tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69586310235975498132024-03-13T18:03:24.089-07:00The Worlds - liteAuthor of "Xmas Carol" trashes religion and chronicles the American decline. Plus gay stuff, science, writing, atheism, and baseball.writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comBlogger2689125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-36615675926465687752016-10-25T11:22:00.002-07:002016-10-25T11:22:24.591-07:00How to have a doggie bed<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Ever since I mentioned that I sleep on a doggie bed (i.e., a mattress
on the floor), I've been inundated with requests from readers. They
say, "Oh, Keith, I want to have a doggie bed too! But I don't know how
to handle my fears of...<i>you know." </i>I've probably gotten hundreds of such emails, if not thousands.<br />
<i> </i><br />
It's really quite simple. Here are the Three Rules of Having a Doggie Bed:<br />
<br />
First Rule:<br />
<br />There are no spiders anywhere in your home. Why would they be? You're a very clean person.<br /><br />
Second Rule:<br />
<br />
There is no such thing as a spider. Spiders come from dreams. They aren't real. So never worry about encountering a spider.<br /><br />
Third Rule<br />
<br />Get white sheets and blankets so you'll be able to see the spiders clearly as they march onto your doggie bed.<br />
<br />
Special Bonus Rule:<br />
<br />
<i>Never</i> look at <a href="https://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2016/10/25/wildlife-photographs/363e99009de0328c57d3b2e69ef5adb2/">this photo</a>.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-54187515881154540912016-09-24T12:53:00.002-07:002016-09-24T18:30:21.509-07:00This and that<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
One Million Moms, the wingnut group that is outraged by virtually
everything, should go after major league baseball for the term
"back-door slider". I mean, <i>really</i>. It's just <i>rude</i>. In a similar vein, where is the canned Million Moms outrage against "Naked and Afraid <i>Pop-Up </i>Edition"? They're off their game.<br />
<br />
Baseball players should be required to be ugly, so they don't distract me.<br />
<br />
AP:
"Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey on Thursday announced he had signed three
bills targeting abortion providers, including one requiring them to
follow outdated federal guidelines for the most common abortion drug and
prescribe it at much higher doses than needed." That's our world in a
nutshell, isn't it?<br />
<br />
I think the news should be presented in cartoon format, so Americans can understand it. You think I'm kidding, don't you?<br />
<br />
Said of good hitter in baseball: "he can <i>rake</i>." I don't get it. <br />
<br />
What's with the phrase: "Stick that in your eye"?<br />
<br />
"I thanked god that there was a god." A woman's face uttered this on TV. Circuitous thinking in action. <br />
<br />
The
phrase: "Hopped up." I thought it had to do with the animation of
people on drugs, particularly speed. But it seems "hop" is slang for
opium and narcotics in general, and this was true as of 1887. <br />
<br />
From
AP: "A Kentucky man has been arrested in North Carolina after witnesses
say he urinated on the floor of an American Airlines flight from San
Francisco to Charlotte."<i> Whew.</i> Long pee!<br />
<br />
I heard a woman say, "He was comin' <i>tworge</i>
me". Maybe confusion between toward and towards caused her Hail Mary
snatch at another consonant, and she landed on a "j"? Tworj. Who knows?
Fun though.<br />
<br />
Old person's T-shirt "So many tunes to hum. So little time." <br />
<br />
"It was all fathomed in her mind," said the pastor's wife about an affair-sniffing parishioner.<br />
<br />
"What am I, kidding?" Like "what am I, chopped liver?" I love that delivery. May be a NY thing. Not sure. Say you?<br />
<br />
Kayaktivists. I figured the term was coming but I still shuddered the first time I heard it.<br />
<br />
I'm
surprised religious people don't say, of the dead, "Oh, he's on
eternity leave." They'd chuckle too, as if they knew something. They
don't know <i>anything.</i><br />
<br />
I heard a mother on TV say her twenty-something daughter wanted to “get into some movie-starring."<br />
<br />
"Thank
God it's a rental," said a character in a movie. But I noticed that the
captions (which I always have on during movies) said "Thank <i>gosh</i>
it's a rental." And then captions said "scarry music". I always
wondered what home-schooled Christian kids do for a living, once they
grow up. Apparently they transcribe captions.<br />
<br />
Of the phrase: <i>salad days</i>:
“Whether the point is that youth, like salad, is raw, or that salad is
highly flavoured and youth loves high flavours, or that innocent herbs
are youth's food as milk is babes' and meat is men's, few of those who
use the phrase could perhaps tell us; if so, it is fitter for parrots'
than for human speech.” Comes from:<br />
[4] Fowler, H. W. A Dictionary of Modern English Usage. Oxford University Press, 1926.<br />
<br />
I’ll “swing by” and check it out. Ape reference?<br />
<br />
I've
decided to believe that I live in a spaceship. What I see outside my
windows is merely a hologram, meant to reassure me. It's <i>lovely</i> up here. <i>Mmmmmm.</i><br />
<br />
Some
day, Americans will vote with emoticons —a whole range of them,
hundreds if not thousands. And then an AI will figure out what it all
means and tell us who the new president is. Hail Leader!<br />
<br />
Why is there no coffee air freshener? A house never smells more pleasant than when coffee is brewing.<br />
<br />
Crime show on TV: <br />
Detective: “ When you were on the phone with him that night, how did he sound?"<br />
Woman: "Disheveled."<br />
<br />
Baseball talk. A “fieldmouse trade”-<i> i.e.,</i> nobody special was included in the trade. <br />
<br />
A southerner was asked "When was your appointment?" The woman replied, "It was <i>of the morning."</i> I've never heard that usage before.<br />
<br />
Why
is there no gay version of Mystery Science Theater 3000? All you'd need
is a threesome of sharp, funny gay people watching a movie and saying
catty things about absolutely everyone on screen. I'd love it.<br />
<br />
I
now return control of your computer to your able hands. Go on with your
gardening, your cruise, or whatever the hell else you were doing with
your day. I'm <i>done</i> with you. <i>Begone!</i></div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-7376340007516329842016-08-21T19:34:00.002-07:002016-08-21T19:34:42.540-07:00I broke up with baseball tonight<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
It's
true. The relationship is over. I was watching my team as they opened
the ninth inning in a tied game, and instead of worrying and hoping and
rooting ... I realized that I don't care anymore.<br />
<br />
I
deleted the game without seeing the final inning and canceled my
upcoming recordings of Nationals games (and Mets games, for that
matter). I threw my Nationals keychain and my Bryce Harper T-shirt in
the garbage. I'm not going to record baseball or check scores or glance
at the standings ever again. I'm not going to talk about baseball or
think about it.<br />
<br />
It was a great relationship for a while.
Don't get me wrong. In my heart, I wish nothing but the best for
baseball. I hope it finds another fan to replace me.<br />
<br />
But I've moved on.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-3178593365238932412016-08-13T09:26:00.000-07:002016-08-13T09:26:00.361-07:00Rabbi writes about transgender god<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Interesting op-ed today in the NYT. Rabbi Mark Sameth asks <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/13/opinion/is-god-transgender.html"><u>Is God Transgender</u></a>? Much of what he said was new to me. Thought you guys might like it.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-80888199068412742132016-08-11T11:46:00.001-07:002016-08-11T11:46:34.346-07:00The Trump game<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We don't need to recount Trump's insane behavior here. I'm sure
you're familiar with his lunacy by now. But here's the thing: if Trump
bows out <i>just</i> before the election, whoever the GOP puts in his place will beat Hilary easily.<br />
<br />
Trump
will get what he wants: continuing attention and quite probably a
flagship show on Fox (plus the ability to sell useless items to stupid
Fox viewers and other imbeciles on his mailing list), and the GOP will
score a most unlikely win.<br />
<br />
People just don't <i>like</i> Hillary. Given any seemingly sensible alternative, they will vote against her and thereby elect the GOP apparatchik.<br />
<br />
The second amendment <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/republicans-running-trump-amendment-threat-article-1.2746173"><u>threat</u></a> that Trump issued yesterday may provide the perfect means to drive him off the ticket. And he won't care at all.<br />
<br />
This
is frightening. But our country has been terrifying for many years now.
Remember, one of the major parties had no problem putting Sarah Palin a
heartbeat away from the presidency. In a country this ignorant,
anything can happen. That is the ultimate scary fact of our times.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-75390743983770261062016-08-07T12:01:00.001-07:002016-08-07T12:01:14.772-07:00That Marco Rubio sure is kind<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The <a href="http://www.joemygod.com/2016/08/07/marco-rubio-no-abortions-for-zika-infected-women/">latest</a> from Republican goon, Marco Rubio: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Sen. Marco Rubio said Saturday that he doesn’t believe a pregnant
woman infected with the Zika virus should have the right to an abortion —
even if she had reason to believe the child would be born with severe
microcephaly.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">
“I understand a lot of people disagree with my view – but I believe that all human life is worthy of protection of our laws -- <strike>and
therefore I pledge that I, and my fellow Republican nitwits, will take
in all the unwanted Zika babies and care for them in perpetuity</strike>."</span></blockquote>
Watta
guy! At least we won't have to worry about the poor, microcephalic
children. And if you think about it, it's a win-win for them. The GOP
could raise them up to become the next group of super-Republicans. After
all, they have to find a new pool of voters somewhere. It's either this
or the snowflake babies. Because people who are fully conscious will
never vote for them again.<br />
<br />
They sure have a keen moral sense, these Republicans. I mean, you never see them falter when faced with a tough choice. I guess their gods tell them which choice is the correct one. Let's hear if for their gods: <i>(Insert rude noise).</i></div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-9037135819299822122016-08-02T12:26:00.001-07:002016-08-02T12:26:20.124-07:00Francis gets it backwards<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Pope Francis is totally confused about sex, which is no wonder
considering the strange sexual rules of his faith. He can't get a handle
on what's occurring in modern times so, like Fox News, he jumps in and
spews nonsense.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2016/08/02/world/europe/ap-eu-rel-vatican-pope-gender.html?ref=news&_r=0">Today's AP stream</a>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="126" data-total-count="255">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">VATICAN
CITY — Pope Francis has lamented that children, as he puts it, are
being taught at school that gender can be a choice. Francis said:
"Today, in schools they are teaching this to children -- to children! --
that everyone can choose their gender."</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="126" data-total-count="255">
Of course, what's being "taught" -- largely through experience and media coverage in the US -- is that there <i>is no choice</i>
regarding gender. You are what you are. And sometimes what you are is a
person trapped in a body of the wrong sex. It's not surprising that
this happens. Some people are <i>physically</i> intersex. They are born
with both female and male sexual organs. It's not much of a stretch to
think that sometimes the whole body is the wrong sex. The transgender
person <i>feels</i> that he or she is in the wrong body. What a horrible fate that must be. But today they can have that little problem fixed.</div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="126" data-total-count="255">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="126" data-total-count="255">
Is this process about <i>choosing</i> whatever gender you want? In fact, the pope got it ass-backwards. It's about <i>not</i> being able to choose what gender you are. These people, young and old, can't <i>choose</i> a gender. They <i>know</i> what gender they are, even at a young age. And if that
doesn't align with the physical gender of their body, they tell us: I'm
not a man, I'm a woman. There is no choice, no mystery. It's simply
something they <i>know</i> this as surely as they know their own names.</div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="126" data-total-count="255">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="126" data-total-count="255">
Sexual orientation and gender dysphoria aren't about <i>choosing</i>.
They're about who you are. Choice plays no role. This is simply the
reality of their bodies and minds. They are who god made them, including
gay or transgender (if'n you want to think of it that way; there is no
god, of course). </div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="126" data-total-count="255">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="126" data-total-count="255">
The
pope understands nothing about this. For this reason, he should stick
to non-sexual topics when he speaks. Why share his ignorance? </div>
</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-25945532014208855852016-07-22T11:26:00.002-07:002016-07-22T11:26:49.610-07:00Scrivener for IOS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
I know, I know. I've been ignoring the blog. Let's see if one post can nudge me into blogging again. It's worth a shot, right?<br />
<br />
I
use Scrivener to write fiction. It's the best writing software out
there and was available only to Mac users for quite a while. I hear
there's a Windows version now, so anyone can use it. (Mind you, no one
should be on Windows anymore. No one.)<br />
<br />
But the thing
that was always missing was an IOS version of Scrivener. It took years
to develop and folks were beginning to doubt that it would ever be
released. But it's done! I was <i>so</i> excited to download it when it came out on Wednesday, and I've been playing with it ever since.<br />
<br />
First off, it's <i>fabulous</i>
that my work is now mobile. I can carry all my intellectual property
with me wherever I go. That's so reassuring. No more worries about my
house burning down while I'm out for a walk and taking my work with it.
The books (there are several) are now <i>safe.</i> That is so important.<br />
<br />
Plus,
the IOS version works well. One of the things about Scrivener on the
desktop is how zippy it is. Nothing is slow, everything is
instantaneous. I'm happy to report that the IOS version is just as
zippy.<br />
<br />
The true joy of this is that wherever I am, if I
think of something that needs to be changed in a manuscript -- or if I
think of a great new story idea -- I can pick up my iPad and input the
changes or idea. It automatically synchs with the desktop version of
Scrivener. No more lost thoughts! This is so nice.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm a very happy guy. Now let's see if I can get back to blogging in the next few days and weeks. </div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-7915845931480836572016-03-19T09:35:00.001-07:002016-03-19T09:35:07.633-07:00Religious gits say incredibly dumb stuff<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I mean, <a href="http://www.rawstory.com/2016/03/texas-mans-discovery-of-noahs-flood-fossils-in-front-yard-confirmed-sight-unseen-by-biblical-scholar/"><u>really</u></a>.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">According to Wayne Propst, he was replacing soil in his aunt Sharon
Givan’s yard when he made the amazing discovery of the fossilized snail
shells which he believes date back to the time of Noah’s flood.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="story-page-embedded-ad" id="story-page-embedded-after1-ad">
</div>
<span style="color: #0b5394;">“What’s really interesting to me is we’re talking about the largest
catastrophe known to man, the flood that engulfed the entire world,”
Propst explained, while showing off fossilized remains and adding,
“Noah’s flood in my front yard. How much better can it get?”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Seeking to verify the veracity of his claim, Propst contacted self-proclaimed fossil expert Joe Taylor who stated that the
fossils indeed are a remnant of the Biblical flood that covered the
Earth due to God’s wrath.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Although Taylor has yet to study the fossils — or even lay eyes on them
in person — he believes that they are a sign of the flood in the dry
East Texas town and called the discovery “rare.<i> </i></span><i><br /></i></blockquote>
<i>Indeed.</i> Want some more? You know you do. Here you go.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">“Now all I got to do is go in front of my aunt’s house and pick up
something from back when it all began. I don’t even have to search
anymore,” said Probst, adding, ” Who else can say they have a front yard
full of Noah’s dirt?”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Propst’s aunt Sharon agreed, saying: “To think that like he says that
we have something in our yard that dated back to when God destroyed the
earth. I mean, how much better could anything be?”</span></blockquote>
How does someone end up this brain-dead? Oh, right. Churches. Never mind. </div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-80162040953595318652016-03-18T12:54:00.004-07:002016-03-18T12:54:36.362-07:00This and that -- expanded version<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oh joy! We are informed that <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2015/12/mother-teresa-sadistic-religious-fanatic/"><u>Monster Theresa</u></a>
will be sainted on October 4, 2016. Don't forget to mark your
calendars! This pope is now two-for-two in appointing monsters the the
exalted position of Saint. Attaboy, Frankie. (The first monster he
sainted was <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jan/25/pope-francis-junipero-serra-sainthood-native-american-controversy"><u>Junipero Serra</u></a>.)<br />
<br />
I
get irritated each time I see a TV news story that includes this
statement: "It so happens the Bee Gees hit, Stayin' Alive, uses exactly
the right beat for proper chest compressions." Why does this irritate
me? Because typically in the same report they show video of people
compressing someone's chest <i>much faster</i> than the actual beat of
the song. Methinks these people have the musical skills of a Ronald
Reagan. (Ever see Ronnie try to clap along with music? Hilarious.) So,
ummm, I don't think this is a good guideline for the musically
challenged -- which is mostly everybody. Time for a new idea.<br />
<br />
I
love to hear "decease" used as verb, and I get the chance to hear this
quite often on crime shows. I recently heard a police officer say, "It
was apparent she had deceased." Bravo! I also love when the investigator
thinks "this is the guy" because he "didn't show no remorse". This is
what makes the guy a suspect. But...ummm, as it turns out, he <i>didn't do it</i>. So why would he show remorse? Most police officers are, like most people, unintelligent. This is why you should <i>never</i>
talk to the police if they think you committed a crime. Just slam the
door in the officer's face and hire a lawyer. It's the only sensible
thing to do.<br />
<br />
AP word insanity. A headline on 3/12/16 said "Storm to <b>stay lingering</b> over northern California". And the sub-head said: "Rough weather that gave a brief blast to Southern California was set to <b>maintain its steady stay</b> over Northern California into the weekend." I wonder if "stay lingering" will become the new "stay loose".<br />
<br />
A woman on the teevee said, "She was very nice, very go-lucky". Indeed. I hope to meet some go-lucky people later today.<br />
<br />
Seriously,
I love crime shows because I get to hear Southern gits say things in
their backwoods accents. The other night I heard a Texan say, in excuse
for missing a clue, "the paperwork had just not caught'n up."<br />
<br />
On
another show, a nervous girl said of a suspect, "he kind of gave me a
willy feeling." Watch out, young lady. That can get you pregnant. <br />
<br />
Sportscasters
often say that Mets pitcher Bartolo Colon is unflappable. I wondered
about the origin of this use of unflappable. Didn't find anything, so I
guess it's just about birds freaking out and flapping their wings when
they're under duress. You gotta give Bartolo credit; he never does that.<br />
<br />
"Charm the pants off him" is such an odd phrase, because it's <i>so</i> easy to get a man's pants off. What's hard is getting him to keep them on.<br />
<br />
I've never heard of a keeping room. Ever. Found it mentioned <a href="http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-a-keeping-room.htm"><u>here</u></a>. <br />
<br />
I'm
going to ask my devoutly religious sister to buy me a statue of
Baphomet for Xmas. I haven't asked her yet. Shhhhhh! I think this is
going to go over big.<br />
<br />
When I saw an article about searching for the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/14/dining/best-biscuits-nyc.html?hpw&rref=food&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=well-region&region=bottom-well&WT.nav=bottom-well"><u>best NY biscuit</u></a>
in the Times, I had to look up what a biscuit is. Oh, those things. We
never ever had biscuits in our house when I was growing up, nor did I
ever see one at a relative's house. It must be something fat Southerners
eat.<br />
<br />
I wonder how many logic teachers believe in god. <br />
<br />
When
in the supermarket, it's great fun to loudly refer to the meat as "dead
animals". Like if I'm far away from my sister in the store, I often
yell, "You go buy the dead animals while I get the toilet paper." My
sister's face turns beet-red.<br />
<br />
Unkempt has become
"unkept" in common usage. This is how language changes. And again, it
makes sense. I find it enjoyable to watch language change in real-time.
It's always happening. <i>Always. </i>Language never stays still.<br />
<br />
Funny
AP headline of the day (Jan 1, 2016): "Man Attacks Soldiers Guarding
French Mosque With His Car". The nerve o' them soldiers using this poor
man's car to guard a building.<br />
<br />
Why Navy guys say "aye
aye" in the movies -- and in real life: Aye aye's most common use is as a
naval response indicating that an order has been received, is
understood, and will be carried out immediately. It differs from yes,
which, in standard usage, could mean simple agreement without any
intention to act. In naval custom, a reply of "yes sir" would indicate
agreement to a statement that was not understood as an order or a
requirement to do anything. The alternatives of "aye aye sir" and "yes
sir" would allow any misunderstanding to be corrected at once. This
might be a matter of life and death for a ship at sea.<br />
<br />
I
think I've mentioned this on the blog before, but what the heck. I
wondered about the origin of the term "Charley horse". According to the
unimpeachable source called the internet, the pitcher Charley Radbourne
was nicknamed Old Hoss -- and he got a cramp during a baseball game in
the 1880s. Thus the phrase was born. Odd, but I'll take it as fact.<br />
<br />
TV
guy: "It's not happenchance." Me: I hear this all the time.
Happenstance is no longer the word. It's now happenchance -- and as with
all these things, you can see why. It kinda works better. I wouldn't
use the incorrect version but I grok why others do.<br />
<br />
"Inherent
nitwittery killed humanity". Dog (my visitor from another galaxy) told
me they've already carved this on our tombstone in the Hall of Failed
Species. Sad, but I thought I'd pass it on. And even more sadly, I
understand why the intelligent species of other galaxies wrote us off.
We ain't much.<br />
<br />
In a bar scene in a Scottish movie, the
bartender yelled "last orders". I assume this is their version of "last
call". I think I like it better.<br />
<br />
Let's end with something from the current news cycle. A USA Today <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/mlb/2016/03/18/chris-sale-adam-laroche-flap-we-were-lied-white-sox-management/81967004/"><u>story</u></a>
today recounted the clubhouse reaction to the White Sox losing player
Adam LaRoche because simply because he wanted to bring his son to work.
The damn WS
brass wouldn't let him do this simple thing so LaRoche (who just about
everyone, including me, loves) walked away from a $13 million dollar
contract and retired. I say all this by way of introducing a comment in
the USA Today
story. It reported that Chris Sale (a WS player) was furious over this
and said, “We got bold-faced lied to’’ by the WS brass. Of course,
the usual phrase is " a bald-faced lie", I suppose harkening back to the
clear view provided by a clean-shaven face. It's kind of fun. I like a
"bold-faced lie" too. It kinds of makes sense, and as I say, most of
these alterations <i>do</i> make sense. But people are losing language skills quicky,
madly and irrevocably.<br />
<br />
Ah, well. Things change. That's the nature of the universe.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-36609977551118144382016-03-14T11:32:00.001-07:002016-03-14T11:32:08.229-07:00The curious incident of the orange flames on the stove<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
For weeks, I couldn't cook. This isn't quite the tragedy you may imagine, since I hate to cook. Still, one must eat.<br />
<br />
The
problem was that the friendly blue flame on my gas stove had been
replaced by an angry orange (some would say yellow) flame. The first
time I saw it, I shut the gas off immediately, thinking something was
wrong with the gas mixture. Yellow-orange flames can indicate carbon
monoxide, and that's not how I want to leave this world. (I'd like to be
sucked up into a tornado, BTW. Sounds like a really exciting ending.)<br />
<br />
So
we called the gas people and eventually a friendly gas guy arrived. He
walked into my house and within 30 seconds, pointed at the humidifier. <i>"That's</i>
doing it," he said. Though he'd never seen this scenario before, he was
sure the humidifier was the culprit. My sweet, darling, cute and oh so
friendly humidifier was being called a common criminal. Oh, the fruited
plain!<br />
<br />
I balked. I said in a "you must be a total jerk" voice: "That's <i>ridiculous!</i>
How could a humidifier affect the stove like that?" And I kept on
haranguing the guy. In an instant, I had turned into a monster rather
than a customer, so strong was my belief that he was wrong. But the
fellow kept his head and repeated, each time I'd pause, <i>"That's</i> doing it." Once again, he pointed his finger at my poor, innocent humidifier. The finger was <i>really</i> irritating me. How <i>dare</i> he?<br />
<br />
To
show the man just how stupid he was, I turned the humidifier off and
opened every window and door in the house. It was a windy day so it
didn't take long for the room in the air to be replaced.<br />
<br />
<i>And the flame turned blue.</i><br />
<br />
Oy, I felt like a jerk. (And let's be clear, I acted like one too.)<i> </i>But it seemed <i>so</i>
unlikely. Nevertheless, the guy was right. I apologized profusely,
because I'm a good-good person, and said goodbye to the stalwart gas
guy.<br />
<br />
Later on, I googled "humidifiers and gas stove"
and found a zillion posts by people who had had the exact same
experience. And in every case, they were as shocked as I was at the
drama's conclusion. Plus -- <i>and I find this so odd</i> -- in each
case the humidifier-stove connection was also news to the gas installer.
You'd think if this was a thing, and apparently it is, the installers
would know all about it. After all, it's not rare for people to use a
humidifier. But they were as baffled as I was.<br />
<br />
One
poster said he was particularly shocked because his house is two
stories, and the humidifier was in a kid's bedroom upstairs -- far from
the stove. Yet he too experienced the odd orange flame.<br />
<br />
Keep
this info in your back pocket, folks. Humidifier = orange flames on
stove. One nice thing, after all is said and done, is that I can shut
the humidifier when I feel it's done its trick -- and later on, all I
have to do is turn on the stove to check the humidity. If the flame is
still orange, I don't need to turn the humidifier back on. It's kinda
nice. And when I want to cook, all I have to do is open the windows.<br />
<br />
This has been your Monday story. Protect and treasure it, for tomorrow is Tuesday.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-80947768838409200292016-03-13T08:57:00.001-07:002016-03-13T08:57:34.777-07:00Bruni does Trump<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I won't say a thing. Just go <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/13/opinion/sunday/donald-trumps-epic-neediness.html"><u>read it</u></a>. He nailed the guy.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-23582855745494638802016-03-12T09:42:00.000-08:002016-03-12T09:42:01.459-08:00Queer rage lets loose<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I almost dropped dead when I heard that Hillary Clinton <i>praised</i>
Nancy Reagan for "helping to start a national conversation about
HIV/AIDS". Nancy, of Ronnie-and-Nancy-hate-queers fame. These two were
literally <i>monsters</i> in the most crucial days of the AIDS crisis. We were all dying and they <i>didn't say a thing.</i><br />
<br />
Thankfully, Dan Savage <a href="http://www.rawstory.com/2016/03/dan-savage-clinton-crediting-nancy-reagan-for-helping-aids-victims-is-a-fcking-lie/"><u>handled this</u></a> for me.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">“You could only say the Reagans started “a national conversation” about
AIDS if terrified, desperate, and dying people screaming “WHY AREN’T YOU
SAYING OR DOING ANYTHING ABOUT AIDS!” at the Reagans counts. It does
not.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Savage argued that Clinton “needs to walk this back immediately or
she risks losing the votes of millions of queer Americans who survived
the plague. We watched our friends and lovers die by the tens of
thousands while Nancy and Ronnie sat silently in the White House.”</span></blockquote>
Yes,
yes, a thousand times yes. This confirms for the umpteenth time that
Hillary Clinton isn't real. She lives in some alter reality that doesn't
really connect with <i>anything.</i> She was an adult, an ambitious, politically-oriented woman when Ronnie and Nancy steadfastly did <i>nothing</i> to help people with AIDS. She <i>didn't notice </i>when we were dying in the streets while Ronnie and Nancy thought everything was swell? <br />
<br />
No one who is gay wants to vote for this woman right now. Take my word for it. And I'm with Savage here:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">He [Savage] also stated that he was “literally shaking” as he composed his criticism of Clinton.</span></blockquote>
Yes,
yes, a thousand times yes -- again. Hillary Clinton is a sham, an
unreal creation affiliated only with corporate America. If it doesn't
shed money that falls at her feet, she's not for it. Sure, she says
things that some liberals like. But she only does that to get her hands
on power -- so more money can work its way toward her and her friends.
And who the hell cares what happens to real people?<br />
<br />
I have never respected Hillary Clinton, not for one second. And with this, I'm now veering toward hatred.<br />
<br />
Perhaps you weren't there when all this went down. I was. My friends were dying all around me. And Ronnie and Nancy <i>ignored it.</i> </div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-73266773875317185382016-03-05T12:22:00.004-08:002016-03-05T12:22:22.970-08:00My hope for the Olympics<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Yeah,
yeah, the Zika virus. I know. Still, there could be something
scintillating at this year's Olympics, something that will have everyone
jumping out of their seats.<br />
<br />
Yes, I'm hoping for the long-awaited Saran Wrap Handling event. Can you imagine the excitement? Mortals can't even <i>touch</i>
Saran Wrap without it turning into a tangled ball. But there are some
halcyon individuals who can handle this challenge -- and it is they who
will enter the Olympic competition.<br />
<br />
Just picture the
championship event, the penultimate Advanced Saran Wrap Handling
competition. A pitcher tosses a savory roast toward the competitor --
who wraps it as it passes by in the air, without ever slowing its
passage. Like magic, the wrapped roast lands on the target table behind
the competitor.<br />
<br />
And here comes a pie. (The event
includes increased difficulty with each pass.) Oh, it's the dreaded
custard pie -- the hardest kind to wrap in the air. But the stalwart
competitor hardly moves. His or her hands fly up into the air, and
voila! The wrapped pie ends up on the target table.<br />
<br />
And in the final round, a Bloody Mary is tossed <i>from a glass into the air. </i>Can the competitors possibly wrap it before it spreads too far? Oh, the agony of competition!<br />
<br />
Fans will jump out of their seats as they watch this virtual sorcery. Could anything be more exciting and sportsmanlike? No! <i>This</i> is what Olympic fans have been waiting for.<br />
<br />
I cannot wait to see this.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-16120773782858649812016-03-02T11:58:00.003-08:002016-03-02T11:58:38.864-08:00Funny thing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I found this today on Jerry Coyne's <a href="https://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2016/03/01/similes-theology-philosophy-science-and/"><u>web site</u></a>. (He gets cross if you call it a blog.)<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">PHILOSOPHY is like being in a dark room and looking for a black cat.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">METAPHYSICS is like being in a dark room and looking for a black cat that is not there.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">THEOLOGY is like being in a dark room and looking for a black cat, that is not there, and shouting; “ I found it!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">SCIENCE is like being in a dark room and looking for a black cat using a f—– flashlight.</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div dir="ltr">
By Jove, I think he's got it. (PS: It's not Jerry's own set of similes. It's from a reader named Leon. Bravo, Leon!)</div>
</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-47004699188406330482016-03-01T09:59:00.004-08:002016-03-01T09:59:33.856-08:00Kinda sorta stuff<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
I bought two inexpensive appliances recently, and both have a very strange capability.<br />
<br />
For
instance, I bought a humidifier a few weeks ago. Delightful appliance
but it has the weirdest controls. You don't actually have to touch the
button to make it do things. You just <i>sorta kinda</i> touch it. Your finger literally doesn't need to make contact in order for it to respond. You just bring your fingertip <i>near</i>
the button -- and it reacts. It's such an odd experience. I also bought
a very cheap rechargeable light that has the same sort of controls.<br />
<br />
So I guess this is a thing now, huh? We only need to <i>come close </i>to
a device to make it work. I think I kinda-sorta like it, though you
sometimes trigger the device when you handle it -- by moving it around
the house, for instance. This can be irritating but on the whole, I
approve.<br />
<br />
Have you encountered this sort of thing? Do tell.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-63042426989229314122016-02-28T09:57:00.003-08:002016-02-28T09:57:22.087-08:00Frank Bruni rules<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Frank Bruni<u> </u>speaks the truth like no other. Here's a bit from his <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/opinion/sunday/if-donald-trump-changed-genders.html"><u>NYT column</u></a> on Trump (and Clinton):<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">IMAGINE, for a moment, the presidential candidacy of a rich, brash real estate magnate and reality TV star named Donna Trump. </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="249" data-total-count="374" id="story-continues-2" itemprop="articleBody">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Quizzically
coifed and stubbornly sun-kissed, she’s on her third marriage. There’s
clear evidence that infidelity factored into the demise of the first,
and among her children is one conceived when The Donna wasn’t married to
the other parent.</span></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="249" data-total-count="374" id="story-continues-2" itemprop="articleBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="342" data-total-count="716" itemprop="articleBody">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Her
sexual appetites have been prodigious, at least according to her
frequent claims and vulgar cant. And she has a tendency — disturbing on
its own, even more so in someone who aspires to civic leadership — to
talk about men as sirloins and rump roasts of disparate succulence. She
denigrates those who displease her on cosmetic grounds:</span></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="342" data-total-count="716" itemprop="articleBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="192" data-total-count="908" itemprop="articleBody">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">So-and-so
used to be a 9 but, with that male-pattern baldness and desperate
comb-over, is down to a 6. So-and-so thinks he’s covering up that paunch
with baggy suits, but we all know better.</span></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="192" data-total-count="908" itemprop="articleBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="95" data-total-count="1003" itemprop="articleBody">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">How well do you think The Donna would do in the polls? How far into the race would she survive?</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="95" data-total-count="1003" itemprop="articleBody">
There's a lot more at the link. Go read it. And then wonder why most Americans don't see this obvious point. </div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="95" data-total-count="1003" itemprop="articleBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="95" data-total-count="1003" itemprop="articleBody">
PS:
My feeling is that it doesn't matter if Trump is the Republican
nominee. His fans are mostly idiots who don't vote. On the other hand,
Clinton's voters will be there promptly on Election Day. Not to worry.
(Mind you, feel free to worry about what Clinton will do. That's not
clear at all. Probably not much. She'll be too involved with all the
Republican hatred directed her way.)</div>
</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-55263201278901576542016-02-27T10:17:00.002-08:002016-02-27T10:17:53.065-08:00Don't try this at home, kids<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Have you ever tried to break a CD? If you have, I hope you did it outside.<br />
<br />
Yesterday
I decided to throw out a dusty old CD. But it had personal files on it,
so I figured I should destroy it before tossing it in the garbage. I
was standing in the kitchen when I bent the CD. I figured it would break
in two, thus saving my info from the prying eyes of busybodies. Simple,
right?<br />
<br />
Two pieces indeed. It broke into <i>millions </i>of
little, shiny pieces. Looked like confetti. It went all over my kitchen
counters, the floor, the nearby rug, my clothes and my hair. Teeny,
tiny, shiny things <i>everywhere.</i> I had to clean the floors, vacuum, wipe all the counters and the stove, change my clothes and take a shower. It was that bad.<br />
<br />
So, uh, don't do this. Or if you must, step outside first.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-63525312532486556742016-02-26T12:40:00.001-08:002016-02-26T12:40:07.838-08:00You've got to be kidding<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've never heard of <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/whitey-bulger-caught-masturbating-florida-jail-cell-article-1.2544190"><u>this</u></a> before. It's <i>so</i> ill, it made me sick.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">You gotta hand it to Whitey Bulger — he has a gift for doing what he pleases.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">
</span><span style="color: #0b5394;">
The 85-year-old incarcerated gangster — who lived life of unparalleled
brutality as a Boston mob boss before dropping off the radar for 16
years — got in trouble in his Florida jail cell for trying to free his
own little prisoner, authorities said.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">
</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">South Boston crime lord James (Whitey) <b>Bulger was caught masturbating</b>
with the lights on at 3 a.m. last June, according to documents obtained
by the Boston Globe.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">A male corrections officer making early morning rounds at the federal
penitentiary in Sumterville, Fla., caught Bulger in flagrante delicto,
the papers said.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">
</span><span style="color: #0b5394;">
The guard saw him touching his exposed genitals with his left hand, according to the papers obtained by The Globe.</span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">
</span><span style="color: #0b5394;">
“I got you!” the guard allegedly hollered.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Bulger was written up by prison officials on June 1 for violating a rule that prohibits sexual activity for inmates.</span></blockquote>
You've
got to be kidding. What monstrous prison official came up with this
inhumane rule? I'm astounded. You put people in a cage forever -- and
then attack them when they do natural things that everyone else does?
Seriously, I want to know who came up with this rule. I'm going to make a
wild guess and say it was probably some self-important, authoritarian,
religious moron who <i>loves</i> to punish people (and probably
masturbates in the evening when recalling what he put prisoners through
that day). In other words it could have been <i>any</i> prison official at all. What is wrong with these people?<br />
<br />
It's going to take me ages to absorb this new, horrifying information. Authoritarian gits are <i>always</i> trying to control others and make them submit to their own inane rules.
These are the same folks who want to monitor the foods that poor people
buy with food stamps -- and want to drug-test them and pull their
benefits if they've, you know, smoked a joint or anything. Monsters, one
and all.</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-61060703654436043672016-02-25T09:50:00.002-08:002016-02-25T09:50:30.317-08:00Having fun at telemarketers' expense<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/25/fashion/a-robot-that-has-fun-at-telemarketers-expense.html"><u>This</u></a> is such a fun story. A guy had had enough of telemarketers, so he came up with a robotic scheme to drive them crazy:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="260" data-total-count="1810" itemprop="articleBody">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">While
the simple robot does not possess anything near artificial
intelligence, it does understand speech patterns and inflections, so it
can monitor what the telemarketer is saying, and then do its best to try
to keep the person on the end of the line engaged.</span></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="382" data-total-count="2192" itemprop="articleBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="382" data-total-count="2192" itemprop="articleBody">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Often
the robot just has a little fun. Using recorded lines spoken by Mr.
Anderson, it may say the following to the telemarketer: “I just woke up
from a nap, I took some medicine and I’m really groggy. Can you go a
little slower?” Sometimes it interrupts the telemarketer to ask
questions. “Do you drink coffee?” or “You sound like someone I went to
high school with.”</span></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="382" data-total-count="2192" itemprop="articleBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="296" data-total-count="2488" id="story-continues-4" itemprop="articleBody">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">The
idea is to keep the telemarketer on the call for as long as possible.
The longer the conversation goes on, the more eccentric the robot
becomes. In one sequence, the robot tells the telemarketer that a bee
landed on his arm, and asks the telemarketer to keep talking as he
focuses on the bee.</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="296" data-total-count="2488" id="story-continues-4" itemprop="articleBody">
This
really made me laugh. The best part is that he's made the system
available to anyone. Read the linked NYT story to find out how to do it.</div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="296" data-total-count="2488" id="story-continues-4" itemprop="articleBody">
<br /></div>
<div class="story-body-text story-content" data-para-count="296" data-total-count="2488" id="story-continues-4" itemprop="articleBody">
Telemarketers are the scum of the earth. It's about time someone turned the tables on them. </div>
</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-81195049736675020632016-02-24T22:01:00.004-08:002016-02-24T22:01:30.473-08:00The murder route to the baseball season<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I live for baseball. It's just the way it is. Luckily, baseball has
one of the longest seasons in professional sports -- it's only gone from
mid-October to March. Still, in the off-season I suffer. I <i>need</i> baseball. Didn't used to be that way but it sure is now.<br />
<br />
So
each year I wonder what to do with myself in the off-season. Last year I
discovered HGTV. Since I was in the process of moving to a new house,
it was interesting to me. I like design, I like decorating. So I watched
a ton of HGTV shows until baseball started again. I haven't gone near
HGTV since. Been there, done that.<br />
<br />
So this year I was
at a loss. HGTV wasn't gonna cut it. Whatever would I do during the
off-season? And then I discovered the Investigation Discovery channel.
It's wall-to-wall murder, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I'd never
seen any of the shows before, so I was a ripe audience. I used to read
tons of true crime books. There's something about watching lives that
are totally out of control that appeals to me. The term "true crime"
means only one thing: <i>murder.</i> And that's the way the ID
(Investigation Discovery) channel reads it: murder all the way. I think I
saw one show that was only about stealing. Stealing: bah, humbug. Money
is boring and stealing it is ultra-boring. It's murder we want.<br />
<br />
Because
I read only true crime books for about ten years in the late 80s, early
90s, I know every detail of endless murders. In fact, as I watch ID
shows, I'm often familiar with the story -- to the point where I find
myself yelling at the TV: "That's not what she said when she shot him.
She said..." I know almost every story. But still, I'd only read about
them. Seeing the stories come to life is fun. This won't last, but for
one off-season it's been a help. I happily took the murder route to
baseball this year.<br />
<br />
What the hell am I going to do next year?<br />
<br />
BTW, the ID station is <i>completely</i> off the wall. If you were an alien watching this channel from Alpha Centauri, you'd think one thing for sure - <i>the female of this species sure is murderous.</i> Haha. But that's how they play it. Check out the names of some of their flagship shows:<br />
<br />
Deadly Women (and yes, they include transgender women)<br />
Wives With Knives<br />
Momsters: When Moms Go Bad<br />
The Wives Did It<br />
Evil Stepmothers<br />
<br />
In a country where men kill women all day long, every day of the year, this channel focuses on the evil of women. I mean, <i>really.</i> Mind you, many
of the other shows on this channel are about men who torture and kill
their wives and girlfriends, but they make no note of the killer's
gender. And needless to say, there is no show called "Husbands Who
Kill". Can't have that; patriarchy rules. Sigh.<br />
<br />
I see this
station (and all cop and prison shows) as being part of the Fox News
constellation of shows designed to keep the population in a state of
terror so they'll vote for Republicans (as if that makes any sense at
all; Republicans are weak on everything). Just imagine all the old
people who only watch Fox News and Investigation Discovery -- with a
listen or two to Rush Limbaugh in-between. You can just imagine them
shaking in their living room chairs. What a country.<br />
<br />
Anyway,
the first game of the spring training season (for my guys, anyway) is
little more than a week away. Mets v. Nats. In other words, I'll soon be
back in heaven (like Bowie) -- and I'll never watch the sick ID channel
again.<br />
<br />
You may now return to your normally scheduled life. (Can ya tell I'm still manic? Hooray!) </div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-18453641648729415672016-02-24T11:56:00.003-08:002016-02-24T11:56:15.617-08:00So, indoor humidity is a thing?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Who knew? I always thought humidity was something to dread. In the
summer months I read the weather forecasts with dread, anxiously looking
for a humidity index <i>well</i> below 60. But I never thought it mattered indoors.<br />
<br />
But
then my doctor told me to get a humidifier. I dutifully said "okay" but
when I got home, I didn't rush to Amazon to order one. I decided I
definitely didn't want one in my house. <i>Humidity?</i> Isn't that
anti-electronics? As an avid computer-guy, the prospect worried me. So I
googled it and learned that humidity can actually help electronics.
Strange but true.<br />
<br />
Not only did it fix my dry-nose
problem, it fixed all kinds of stuff. Ever since I moved here about
seven months ago, I've gotten shocks whenever I touched plugged-in
electronics. In my wildest dreams, I would never have attributed this to
an overly dry home. I don't think I've ever even heard that. But the
shocks are gone. I can touch anything in my house now! Oh, joy.<br />
<br />
Also,
within an hour of plugging in the humidifier, my plants stood up and
saluted. In fact, they're still saluting two weeks later. They <i>love</i>
it. Again, who knew? I mean, I knew plants needed moisture but I
thought I was providing that by watering them and then spraying them
daily. The humidifier does much more for them. They adore it, the cute
little green fellas.<br />
<br />
So that's it, I'm hooked. In fact, I even bought a spare, dog forbid mine conks out. You gotta have a spare. You gotta!<br />
<br />
PS:
I'm blogging because I finally hit a manic streak. Being manic
depressive isn't that bad, as long as the moods switch regularly. But I
hadn't experienced a manic wave in ages. Blogging fell by the wayside,
life fell there too. But now I'm me again. Hooray! (And it had better
last for a while. You'll know. If I blog, it's still with me. This is no
way to live but there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.)</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-82160917164833759822016-02-22T12:26:00.000-08:002016-02-22T12:26:01.261-08:00Zipf's law is so simple -- and so strange<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Here's a quick explanation of Zipf's Law:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Zipf's law in its simplest form, as
formulated in the thirties by American linguist George Kingsley Zipf,
states surprisingly that the most frequently occurring word in a text
appears twice as often as the next most frequent word, three times
more than the third most frequent one, four times more than the
fourth most frequent one, and so on.</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I
mean, seriously. How can this possibly be true? And yet it is. Each one
of us can write a book using whatever words occur to us, and yet our
book -- and all other books -- will always comply with this law. It's as
if we're being governed by something we are neither aware of, nor
understand. I've known about this for a long time but every time I see
it <a href="http://phys.org/news/2016-02-mathematical-law-gutenberg-texts.html"><u>referenced</u></a>,
as I did today at phys.org, I'm shocked. It goes all the way down the
line, too. The 96th most often-used word is used 96 times less
frequently than the most frequently-used word. And on and on. How can
this be?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The
linked article is about researchers who recently applied Zipf's law to
ancient texts, and found that they too comply with this law. This search
was occasioned by the existence of Big Data in our technologically
enhanced world. Prior to this, Zipf's law had only been tested on a
certain number of texts. The researchers thought there was no reason to
limit their investigation into the resilience of this law. So they
looked into texts from all around the world, including ancient texts --
and they found that they <i>all</i> follow Zipf's law. In any language, in any age, Zipf's law holds true.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Each
time I encounter Zipf's law, I am shocked anew. It's as if there's a
whole 'nother level of rules that guide our lives -- rules we neither
sense nor grasp, and yet we use them unfailingly. It's just amazing.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
PS:
When quantum computers are realized, I suspect we'll see lots of new
correlations in the world around us. What we are aware of is so much
less than what's really there. It's exciting and as I keep saying, very
strange.</div>
</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-50421569020818039982015-11-27T10:51:00.003-08:002015-11-27T10:51:33.355-08:00Wolfote or...?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
I wrote a <a href="http://theworlds-writenow.blogspot.com/2015/10/the-howling.html"><u>post</u></a> the other day about the wolfote that roam the horse farm where I live. <i>Weird.</i> But now I'm thinking they're even weirder.<br />
<br />
They only howl at the moon <i>when it's full.</i> So I'm thinking these aren't mere wolfotes (a cross between wolves, coyotes and dogs), they may actually be <i>werewolfotes!</i> Jeebus. Scary, huh?<br />
<br />
And that would mean that some of the people living on this farm aren't...people. They're<i> werewolfotes!</i>
Jeebus again! I've been thinking about this for a while. It sounds like
there are about 14 "wolfotes" howling at the moon, when they really get
going. That would mean that 14 people on this farm aren't, you know, <i>people.</i><br />
<br />
In
the coming days, I'm going to try to figure out who is and who isn't a
werewolfote. I've been reading up on them and it seems they smell like
cookies. Oh no, wait a minute; it's <i>saints</i> that smell like cookies. Well, I'll figure it out. They must smell funny in some fashion. <i>Or perhaps the air tingles around them.</i> Or something.<br />
<br />
Werewolfotes, beware. I am on the case. <i>And readers, expect further tales...if I survive.</i></div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6958631023597549813.post-72158339538169782442015-11-22T10:43:00.003-08:002015-11-22T10:43:28.752-08:00True elegance<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmuXe1QRV5eUmOzQsuG9U3c5msMU-NtDDjD2Bl9nuiGfhsGcpPgtBWlTRGCsKqAQH21iMu_usppWrrrBPSCuVYE3GoSxsVZo0Xd9J_vVJopTTnnocyL9166WbXMMDOSfWccyumIZHBLm4/s1600/519KTGV8LzL._SY679_.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmuXe1QRV5eUmOzQsuG9U3c5msMU-NtDDjD2Bl9nuiGfhsGcpPgtBWlTRGCsKqAQH21iMu_usppWrrrBPSCuVYE3GoSxsVZo0Xd9J_vVJopTTnnocyL9166WbXMMDOSfWccyumIZHBLm4/s200/519KTGV8LzL._SY679_.jpg" width="82" /></a></div>
<i>Note: I'm breaking my no-graphics rule. Without the image, you'd have no idea what I'm talking about. </i> <br />
<br />
One
of the (few) things that horrified me when I moved into my new place
was that there was no room in the bathroom for a traditional
wall-mounted toilet paper dispenser. A vision of toilet paper sitting on
the floor seemed to characterize my future. I was so horrified that I
searched Amazon until I found the wildly elegant item you see at left
(or above if you're on a mobile device).<br />
<br />
Two points<br />
<br />
1.
It works great! In fact, it's way better than wall-mounted dispensers.
I'll bet you're tired of getting chest cramps as you try to reach the
TP. I certainly was. With this little gem, you place the dispenser where
you want it: right in front of you. It's ultra EZ. And after seeing how
well it works, you come to realize that this tacky item is
indispensable. But you're still...a tad <i>ashamed.</i><br />
<br />
2.
But then you watch House Hunters International on HGTV (because it's
not baseball season, so what can you do?) and you discover something. In
an episode where a couple was viewing a way-too-expensive, high-end
Swedish apartment<i> -- there was my mobile toilet paper dispenser, standing proudly next to the toilet. </i>It was a feature, not a bug.<br />
<br />
These
days, I am so proud of my toilet paper holder I could bust. It's the
most elegant thing I've ever seen. (If you want one because you're
jealous of me -- admit it; you are -- here's a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0052SX4BM?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00"><u>link</u></a>.)</div>
writenowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15612617536948351540noreply@blogger.com