Misplaced modifier of the day

The fun thing about this is that it's on-topic. Here's a terrible sentence AP used as the lede for a story today:

ROME — The gay marriage debate arrived within walking distance of the Vatican on Saturday as Rome's mayor registered 16 gay marriages celebrated abroad in open defiance of Italy's government.

So...the marriages were celebrated abroad in open defiance of Italy's government? No. It's just a badly constructed sentence. You've got to watch your modifying clauses, people. I keep tellin' ya that. Here's how it should have been written:

The gay marriage debate arrived within walking distance of the Vatican on Saturday as Rome's mayor, in open defiance of Italy's government, registered 16 gay marriages celebrated abroad.

Note that I simply moved "in open defiance of Italy's government" closer to the word that it modifies (mayor). Yes, it requires you to set it off with commas, and I know this trick may be difficult for those of you who are punctuationally challenged. But it's really not that hard. (Of course, the whole sentence should simply be rewritten. It still stinks. But what can you do? It's AP.)

Luckily for us, the story is on-topic. Here's a bit more about this terrific Italian mayor.

Marino said Saturday was an important day in the fight for equal rights for all and that "the most important right is to say to your companion 'I love you' and to have that be recognized.

Sounds like a smart guy with a good heart. And of course, the biggest bonus is that this happened within shouting distance of the Vatican. Yay!

A man without a mirror

Former Premier Silvio Berlusconi, who announced this week he wouldn't run in spring elections, says he now feels compelled to stay in politics to reform Italy's justice system after being convicted of tax fraud.

More nonsense from Italy

An Italian court "convicted seven scientists and experts of manslaughter on Monday for failing to adequately warn citizens before an earthquake struck central Italy in 2009, killing more than 300 people."

These court officers must live in a cave. You can't predict earthquakes. And if the scientists had tried valiantly to warn people, they would have been laughed at. No one believes you when you say an earthquake is imminent.

The defendants were accused in the indictment of giving "inexact, incomplete and contradictory information" about whether small tremors felt by L'Aquila residents in the weeks and months before the April 6, 2009, quake should have constituted grounds for a quake warning.

Uh-huh. And if they weren't sure, which of course they weren't? Still a crime? Apparently.

Prosecutors had sought conviction and four-year sentences during the non-jury trial, which was led by a judge. A defense lawyer, Filippo Dinacci, told reporters that the sentence would have "big repercussions" on public administration since officials would be afraid to "do anything." 

Indeed. You have to wonder if the judge graduated from elementary school. Here's some good advice. If you're a seismologist, don't work in Italy. In fact, if you're a scientist of any sort, get out of the country now.

Indeed, popey guy. Indeed.

AP headline:

Vatican Praises EU Decision on Crucifixes in Classrooms

Indeed! So let's see what made the popey guy smile. The Vatican is happy that the EU decided (insanely) to allow crucifixes to be displayed on the walls of public school classrooms in Italy. So much for the separation of church and state. Popey guy likey.

And no surprise. If the EU had decided it was fine and dandy to display Coca-Cola signs in Italian public school classrooms, I'll bet Coca-Cola's chairman would be pretty happy, too. At no cost to them, their image could now be burned into the minds of all public school students in Italy. You can't get better branding than that.

And so the evil popey guy is pleased. As the CEO of the sleazy Roman Catholic church, he damn well should be.

The EU has made a stupid decision with wide ramifications. Like blasphemy laws, this sort of thinking belongs in the Dark Ages. It is the opposite of democracy. Today the popey guy is laughing in some dark and airless corner of his palace. He is one happy popey guy. And that's a very sad thing.