Hmmm

It seems the cicadas have awakened in all local areas, save one. My nephew tells me they're out at all his friends' houses. As far as I can tell, the only place without cicadas is right here where I live.

You don't suppose this has anything to do with me inviting demons into my home, do you? Is it possible the cicadas fear my demons? Heavens!

Why my house is always cold

Although NY is about to enter a four- or five-day heat wave, it's nice and cool in my house. In fact, even in the dog days of summer, my house is always cool -- without A/C.

It's true. In the summer, people walk into my house and say, "Thank god! You've got the A/C on!" But I don't. It just stays cool in here. Why is that?

I think it's because there are demons all over my house. They're attracted to me because I'm an anti-Christian crusader. And you know how ghosts, goblins and demons make a place cold. In the movies, that's always how you can tell they've entered the room. Brrrrr. Demons!

I thank the demons and hereby offer my house as a demon hostel. Come one, come all. Move in and keep this place freezing. I love the demons!