Every American man has a beard

It's true. Everywhere in the USA, if you see a man, you see a beard. It's an epidemic.

All my favorite baseball players have beards now. The mailman? Beard. The plumber? Beard. When I went to see my doctor last week, even he had a beard! It's shocking, shocking, I tell you.

This morning, fearing the worst, I looked in the mirror and saw that even I have a beard! (I believe that mirrors are a tool to be used sparingly, to learn if you have a dead bird on your head. Since I rarely go out, I hadn't looked into a mirror in some time.) Again: shocking!

What is going on? You don't think...this could be evidence of the coming Rapture, do you? Oh, I hope so. I want so much to get rid of the godders. If Jeebus scoops them up, it'll be heaven down here! Can you imagine all the fun we're going to have? Squeee!

The beards are a harbinger of better times. Long live the beard!

Portrait of fools

It's hard to believe that some folks think the world will end this Saturday. Imagine being the normal kids of weird parents who have fallen for this inane proposition.

Read this story at the Times. You'll shake your head. What will this family's life be like after the "rapture"? I shudder to think.

Wingnuts today

Here's what the wingnuts are thinking about are repeating today. This is from Worldnutdaily:

A mysterious, pale green figure seen in televised news coverage of the Egyptian riots has prompted some viewers to ask, "Could this be the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse?"

The footage, provided by Euronews and subsequently seen on MSNBC, CNN and uploaded over a dozen times to the popular video sharing site YouTube, captures the fiery, violent protests in Cairo this past week … and something else.

Between the crowds of protesters and barricades, the video shows a flowing, pale green image that resembles an erect rider atop a horse in Medieval-like barding. The ethereal figure remains for a few moments before floating over protesters' heads and off the screen.

The last of the biblical Book of Revelation's Four Horseman of the Apocalyse, the "pale rider" is said to be the bringer of death and the forerunner of "hell" on earth.

Are all these events the natural order of things, or warnings of the end times described in the Bible? This DVD probes the answer ...

Oh, I see. The wingnuts are selling something. Surprise, surprise. And rubes all over the country will get their panties in a bunch over this. It's wingnuts gone wild. You almost find yourself pitying these people. Just kidding. What a bunch of jerks!