What kind of sex is Vatican-approved?

Yesterday, I quoted a twit priest who mentioned the "authentic truth about human sexuality". So, what kind of sex does the church consider "authentic"?

I mean, think about it. What type of sex gets the church's approval? They seem to be fanboys of the sex that occurs between male husband and female wife in a marriage -- as long as the couple avoids all the fun sinful positions while doing the deed. This kind of sex is not only great, it's holy!

And, judging by their actions rather than their words, we must infer that the church has no problem with the sex that priests force on children. If memory serves me correctly, it wasn't the priests, bishops and popes who railed against this common practice. It was outsiders who were horrified by priests raping kids, and brought the abuse to the attention of the media.  So I guess the church is fine with that kind of sex, too. It must be "authentic".

The characteristic that these two instances of "authentic" sex share is that the sex is viewed (by priests) as "forced". After all, no "good woman" enjoys marital sex. The husband forces it on the wife and it's her duty to comply with his illustrious, husbandly wishes. No fun, no foul. (And never you mind if the men enjoy it; that's what men do: they enjoy. It's their god-given right as menfolk!)

But in a gay marriage, neither partner is forced to have sex with a more powerful partner. The power issue is very important. If a man doesn't get to lord it over a less powerful creature, it's not god-approved.

Gay marriage, by definition, involves equality. And in the eyes of the church, people who are equal can't have "authentic" sex. Only the sex a man forces on his wife (or a priest forces on a child) is godly, good and above all else, authentic. If neither partner honors god by forcing sex on the other, how can the relationship be holy? Given these parameters, gay marriage will always be a sham. So say the priests.

I think this idea has wings. It's all about the forcing. What do you think? Does this argument ring true for you?

"Catholic Online" writers publish peevish article

World-renown [sic] physicist and author, Stephen Hawking, gave a lecture last night at Pasadena's California Institute of Technology astoundingly claiming that God wasn't needed to create the universe, and that instead physical laws would cause the universe to spontaneously appear.

So begins a poorly thought-out, poorly written article at Catholic Online. I've never heard of them before and now I know why. Apparently they're shocked -- shocked, I tell you -- that Stephen Hawking said something that virtually every other scientist agrees with. They continue:

An entire auditorium and an outdoor venue were packed with thousands who gathered just to hear Hawking say that the universe didn't need God.

Uh, no. They were there to hear a brilliant man tell them whatever he wanted to -- because he's, you know, brilliant. Here's a bit more:

Hawking's elegant theories neatly explain how everything fits together, but that's about it. [Duh.] And when the physicist launches forays into the reasons and whys, he is so shut off from his Creator that he sees only darkness and concludes nothing is there.

Testy, testy. This is a nitwit article written by Catholic writers who never encountered a science book. (The byline is listed as "Catholic Online" -- apparently this tripe was a group effort! That makes it even funnier.) Go read the article if you want a laugh. Here's how they ended the piece:

God has explained what we most need to know. God has given us the whys that elude Hawking. Isn't the teaching of our Holy Church enough?

Uh, no.

This article is so off the beaten path. It makes me wonder if the writers are aware of the massive number of priests who raped children and then saw their predatory acts hidden from the authorities by the church itself -- including the last pope. This is the specific, real-life "teaching of [their] Holy Church".

What the next pope will face

There's a story at the NYT today about Vatican intrigue. The upshot is that it won't be smooth sailing for the next pope. The story begins by recounting the theft of the pope's papers by his butler.

And if that original sin weren't enough, the content of the leaks confirmed that the next pope has a very messy house to clean up. The letters and memos exposed petty wrangling, corruption and cronyism at the highest levels of the Catholic Church. The dirt ranged from the awarding of Vatican contracts to a plot, purportedly orchestrated by senior Vatican officials, to out a prominent Catholic newspaper editor as gay.

Always thinking sweet thoughts, these princes of the church. What I want to know about is the "homosexual liaisons" at the Vatican. The butler pointed to this, but no one ever followed it up. Gee, I wonder why.

I think my favorite line is this:

And as cardinal, after priestly sex abuse cases bounced for years among Vatican offices, the former Joseph Ratzinger took them over himself in 2001. 

Yes, we've heard it before but it can't be stated too often. It's the information that won't go away: Ratzinger was in charge of the entire pedophilia scandal. The popey guy! Catholics are great at ignoring this but their lack of attention doesn't erase the issue. The whole world knows that the pope was in charge of sexual abuse cases since 2001. Most of the children who were abused after that date owe their pain and horror to one man: Pope Benedict. (Okay, the priest who attacked them is also responsible. Still, that's quite a pope they've got there.)

Vatican tries to keep pope out of prison

(Reuters) - Pope Benedict's decision to live in the Vatican after he resigns will provide him with security and privacy. It will also offer legal protection from any attempt to prosecute him in connection with sexual abuse cases around the world, Church sources and legal experts say.

"His continued presence in the Vatican is necessary, otherwise he might be defenseless. He wouldn't have his immunity, his prerogatives, his security, if he is anywhere else," said one Vatican official, speaking on condition of anonymity.

"It is absolutely necessary" that he stays in the Vatican, said the source, adding that Benedict should have a "dignified existence" in his remaining years.

They evicted a group of nuns from a Vatican monastery so Benedict could live there. (They were just nuns, so what the hell.) The Vatican is determined, come hell or high water, to keep the pope on the premises -- and out of prison. I wonder how Catholics feel about this. Oh, that's right. Catholics don't think about unpleasant things. I forgot for a moment.

The pope's sex crimes

Sounds like the new sex crimes czar at the Vatican would like to crack the whip. But there's a curious disconnect in the story (and his thinking).

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The Vatican's new sex crimes prosecutor has insisted on the need for transparency about the church's failures to protect children from sex abuse by priests. 

In his first public comments since taking office, the Rev. Robert Oliver quoted Pope Benedict XVI in saying the church must recognize the "grave errors in judgment that were often committed by the church's leadership."

Hmmm. Now, let's see. He's quoting the pope's words here. Something about grave errors having been committed by "the church's leadership". Who could this refer to? Why, I do believe the pope himself was in charge of all this for the past couple of decades. So those "errors" committed by "the church's leadership" refer to the popey guy himself. He is the man who is most responsible for hiding the sexual abuse committed by priests.

But sssshhhhh! No one's supposed to notice. Everything's fine. Move along.

Deaf, blind Vatican speaks

You have to love the Vatican's obtuseness. They are determined not to understand their own crimes. Today I found this in the news:

BERLIN (AP) — The Vatican's head of doctrine says critics in North America and Europe are conducting a "concerted campaign" to discredit the Catholic Church that is resulting in open attacks against priests. 

Mercy! Those poor, innocent priests! And let it be known -- this has nothing do with with priests raping children. Heaven forfend! It's happening only because of the intrinsic nastiness of North Americans and Europeans. Don't they know that every priest is holy, that they are god's representatives on Earth?

But wait, there's more!

In an interview published Saturday by Germany newspaper Die Welt, Archbishop Gerhard Ludwig Mueller likened the sentiment directed toward the Church to that of the pogroms against Jews in Europe. 

Yes, it's just like what happened to six million innocent Jews. Because the priests are pure as snow. They are high-minded, holy beings who are only on this Earth to do god's work. And now this nastiness has descended upon them -- for no reason at all! Mercy! What a cruel world.

This oppressive, arrogant Vatican

Frank Bruni has a great opinion piece in the NYT this morning. The Roman Catholic church is on trial in the public square. An excerpt:

And this hubris also survives the crisis, manifest in the way that the Vatican, a gilded enclave so far removed and so frequently out of step with the rest of the world, clamps down on Catholics who challenge its rituals and rules. Much of what these dissenters raise questions about — the all-male priesthood, for example, or the commitment to celibacy that priests are required to make — aren’t indisputable edicts from God. They’re inventions of the mortals who took charge of the faith. 

The church's wall of indifference and high opinion of itself are destined to collapse. The church's arrogance and lack of accountability guarantee this outcome.

But they're mad at Obama over birth control

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Robert Van Handel was a 15-year-old seminarian at St. Anthony's, a prestigious Franciscan boarding school, when, he said, a priest slipped into the infirmary where he was recovering from a fever and began to molest him. The priest told him it would help draw the fever out. 

That's what the church needs -- something to draw the fever out.

Foolishness seen in HuffPo

Once in a while I read HuffPo's religion page, just for laughs. So what did I find there today? This gem:

VATICAN CITY (RNS) Europe's economic and financial crisis is the consequence of an "ethical crisis" and a "crisis of faith," Pope Benedict XVI said Thursday (Dec. 22), resulting in the triumph of selfishness over social responsibility.

Can you believe this popey guy? He literally engineers the massive cover-up of the priest-rape scandal for the selfish reason of wanting to protect his church -- and then has the nerve to talk about "the triumph of selfishness over social responsibility." It's mind-boggling. And these people will tell you that they own morality.

And what is the cure that he suggests for this selfishness? Why, faith of course. Faith in what? The child-raping priests! These people have no irony filters. None.

Don't you love news from the Vatican?

AP today:

BEIJING - The Vatican has excommunicated a newly ordained Chinese bishop, a move that is likely to exacerbate already frayed relations between the Holy See and China’s governing Communist Party.

The decision to formally announce the excommunication of the bishop, the Rev. Paul Lei Shiyin of Sichuan Province, came a week after China’s state-run Catholic church ignored the Vatican’s objections and went ahead with the ordination ceremony, which was attended by seven other bishops.

The Vatican said the bishops who took part in the ordination had “exposed themselves to serious canonical sanctions’’ and could face excommunication, according to the statement.

So let's see. Ignore one of the silly church rules and you're tossed out of the church (and out of heaven). But rape a slew of young boys and that goes under the radar.

It's quite a "church" they've got there, isn't it? They act just like gangsters with their own rules and priorities, and the world be damned.

Confused popey guy speaks

Today the Associated Press reports:

VATICAN CITY (AP) — Pope Benedict XVI urged Christians to remain strong in the face of intolerance and violence in a New Year's appeal Saturday that came hours after a bomb blast outside an Egyptian church killed 21 people as worshippers left Mass. 

It's funny, isn't it? As far as I can recall, the popey guy never issued a statement like this to the zillions of abused catholic kids. He never once said, "Stay strong, children, in the face of sexual attacks by my priests."

I mean, 21 people died at that church in Egypt. How many kids were buggered by priests? Hundreds of thousands? More than a million? Yet there's no similar message to the children.

But then, we peons have to remember that the popey guy is not like us. (Cue the celestial music.) He is infallible. Everything this guy does is right and holy and true. I stand corrected.

I liked the way this AP article ended. It shows that the popey guy is a true super-hero, costume and all:

After leaving the basilica, the pope removed his gold-colored robes, donned an ermine-trimmed crimson cape to guard against the chill, and greeted from his apartment window pilgrims and tourists in a packed St. Peter's Square.

 You go, girl!

More fun with the popey guy

The pope rolled out a litany of excuses yesterday for why the church let priests molest children for literally ages. Here's one quote from an article AP offered this morning:

"He said that as recently as as the 1970s, pedophilia wasn't considered an absolute evil but rather part of a spectrum of behaviors that people refused to judge in the name of tolerance and relativism." 

Wait a minute. I was around in the 1970s and I must have missed this. Nowhere in the news or at school or at work or in the people I met did I ever see this view represented. In fact, I have never met anyone who thought that screwing kids was not evil but a behavior that should be tolerated.

Oh wait! Now I get it. He means that's the way he and his pals in the church saw it. Ahhhhhh!

The article goes on to say:

"In the 1970s, pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children," the pope said. "It was maintained — even within the realm of Catholic theology — that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself. There is only a 'better than' and a 'worse than.' Nothing is good or bad in itself."

"The effects of such theories are evident today," he said.

Indeed they are. But again, what is the little popey guy talking about? When in modern history did anyone think screwing kids was "fully in conformity with man and even with children"? What planet is this guy from?

Oh, right. The vatican.