Nicholas Maduro's idiotic claim

So Nicholas Maduro, Hugo Chavez's "hand-picked" successor, won Venezuela's election. He only got 51% of the vote, but that's all it takes.

Yesterday as I watched the news, I heard that Maduro claimed that Chavez's spirit visits him regularly "in the form of a bird". It really irritates me that a person can say something so colossally stupid, and then be elected.

But there's a reason for this. He was talking to people who already believe in an impossibly stupid idea: that there is a sky god. This paves the way for any type of idiotic remark to be taken as truth. It's an example of how the god notion transforms everything to muck. If you believe in a sky god, you'll believe anything.

Contacting the sky god: lessons from baseball

For those of you who don't know how to contact the sky god, baseball points the way. Ever since the sport became a bastion of Christianity, players have been demonstrating the correct technique. Here are two effective variations:

1. Forehead, chest, left shoulder, right shoulder, one-potato. You have contacted the sky god!

(And by "one-potato" I mean the move you make when doing "one potato, two potato, three potato, four." You know how when you say "one potato" you bring your fist to your mouth and sort of kiss the hole made by your thumb and index finger? That's the one-potato move. So, from the top: Up, down, left shoulder, right shoulder, one potato. You've got it now! You are connected with the sky god!)

2. Make the sign of the cross without the one-potato move, and then close your eyes and look constipated as you send your prayer upward. Then comes the tricky part: you must make the sign of the cross again at the end, to close your session. So it's: sign of the cross; send prayer upward with constipated look on face; end with sign of the cross again. You have contacted the sky god!