Friday, March 18, 2016

This and that -- expanded version

Oh joy! We are informed that Monster Theresa will be sainted on October 4, 2016. Don't forget to mark your calendars! This pope is now two-for-two in appointing monsters the the exalted position of Saint. Attaboy, Frankie. (The first monster he sainted was Junipero Serra.)

I get irritated each time I see a TV news story that includes this statement: "It so happens the Bee Gees hit, Stayin' Alive, uses exactly the right beat for proper chest compressions." Why does this irritate me? Because typically in the same report they show video of people compressing someone's chest much faster than the actual beat of the song. Methinks these people have the musical skills of a Ronald Reagan. (Ever see Ronnie try to clap along with music? Hilarious.) So, ummm, I don't think this is a good guideline for the musically challenged -- which is mostly everybody. Time for a new idea.

I love to hear "decease" used as verb, and I get the chance to hear this quite often on crime shows. I recently heard a police officer say, "It was apparent she had deceased." Bravo! I also love when the investigator thinks "this is the guy" because he "didn't show no remorse". This is what makes the guy a suspect. But...ummm, as it turns out, he didn't do it. So why would he show remorse? Most police officers are, like most people, unintelligent. This is why you should never talk to the police if they think you committed a crime. Just slam the door in the officer's face and hire a lawyer. It's the only sensible thing to do.

AP word insanity. A headline on 3/12/16 said "Storm to stay lingering over northern California". And the sub-head said: "Rough weather that gave a brief blast to Southern California was set to maintain its steady stay over Northern California into the weekend." I wonder if "stay lingering" will become the new "stay loose".

A woman on the teevee said, "She was very nice, very go-lucky". Indeed. I hope to meet some go-lucky people later today.

Seriously, I love crime shows because I get to hear Southern gits say things in their backwoods accents. The other night I heard a Texan say, in excuse for missing a clue, "the paperwork had just not caught'n up."

On another show, a nervous girl said of a suspect, "he kind of gave me a willy feeling." Watch out, young lady. That can get you pregnant.

Sportscasters often say that Mets pitcher Bartolo Colon is unflappable. I wondered about the origin of this use of unflappable. Didn't find anything, so I guess it's just about birds freaking out and flapping their wings when they're under duress. You gotta give Bartolo credit; he never does that.

"Charm the pants off him" is such an odd phrase, because it's so easy to get a man's pants off. What's hard is getting him to keep them on.

I've never heard of a keeping room. Ever. Found it mentioned here.

I'm going to ask my devoutly religious sister to buy me a statue of Baphomet for Xmas. I haven't asked her yet. Shhhhhh! I think this is going to go over big.

When I saw an article about searching for the best NY biscuit in the Times, I had to look up what a biscuit is. Oh, those things. We never ever had biscuits in our house when I was growing up, nor did I ever see one at a relative's house. It must be something fat Southerners eat.

I wonder how many logic teachers believe in god.

When in the supermarket, it's great fun to loudly refer to the meat as "dead animals". Like if I'm far away from my sister in the store, I often yell, "You go buy the dead animals while I get the toilet paper." My sister's face turns beet-red.

Unkempt has become "unkept" in common usage. This is how language changes. And again, it makes sense. I find it enjoyable to watch language change in real-time. It's always happening. Always. Language never stays still.

Funny AP headline of the day (Jan 1, 2016): "Man Attacks Soldiers Guarding French Mosque With His Car". The nerve o' them soldiers using this poor man's car to guard a building.

Why Navy guys say "aye aye" in the movies -- and in real life: Aye aye's most common use is as a naval response indicating that an order has been received, is understood, and will be carried out immediately. It differs from yes, which, in standard usage, could mean simple agreement without any intention to act. In naval custom, a reply of "yes sir" would indicate agreement to a statement that was not understood as an order or a requirement to do anything. The alternatives of "aye aye sir" and "yes sir" would allow any misunderstanding to be corrected at once. This might be a matter of life and death for a ship at sea.

I think I've mentioned this on the blog before, but what the heck. I wondered about the origin of the term "Charley horse". According to the unimpeachable source called the internet, the pitcher Charley Radbourne was nicknamed Old Hoss -- and he got a cramp during a baseball game in the 1880s. Thus the phrase was born. Odd, but I'll take it as fact.

TV guy: "It's not happenchance." Me: I hear this all the time. Happenstance is no longer the word. It's now happenchance -- and as with all these things, you can see why. It kinda works better. I wouldn't use the incorrect version but I grok why others do.

"Inherent nitwittery killed humanity". Dog (my visitor from another galaxy) told me they've already carved this on our tombstone in the Hall of Failed Species. Sad, but I thought I'd pass it on. And even more sadly, I understand why the intelligent species of other galaxies wrote us off. We ain't much.

In a bar scene in a Scottish movie, the bartender yelled "last orders". I assume this is their version of "last call". I think I like it better.

Let's end with something from the current news cycle. A USA Today story today recounted the clubhouse reaction to the White Sox losing player Adam LaRoche because simply because he wanted to bring his son to work. The damn WS brass wouldn't let him do this simple thing so LaRoche (who just about everyone, including me, loves) walked away from a $13 million dollar contract and retired. I say all this by way of introducing a comment in the USA Today story. It reported that Chris Sale (a WS player) was furious over this and said, “We got bold-faced lied to’’ by the WS brass. Of course, the usual phrase is " a bald-faced lie", I suppose harkening back to the clear view provided by a clean-shaven face. It's kind of fun. I like a "bold-faced lie" too. It kinds of makes sense, and as I say, most of these alterations do make sense. But people are losing language skills quicky, madly and irrevocably.

Ah, well. Things change. That's the nature of the universe.