Friday, August 29, 2014

A thing or two

Last night I watched a White Sox game. I enjoy listening to Hawk Harrelson, one of their sportscasters. He says the oddest things. After watching a hitter take a swing in last night's game, he said, "He got a little bit o' Joe Mauer lookalike to him, don't he?" He has such a backwoods way about him. Do I think it's largely put on? Yup. But I still like the guy.

As for other matters, I can't find the energy to blog lately because the world looks so dreadful. I mean, what is there to say? "Man the lifeboats!" seems appropriate. But it's hardly uplifting. And I like to uplift you guys.

But seriously, an eight-year-old girl shoots an instructor in the head with an Uzi that he put in her hands after setting it on "fully automatic" -- and the media can only say this is "starting a conversation" about kids and guns?!! A conversation? Yeah, between the rational and the braindead.

And that's the thing. The world is running amok and everything is getting worse by the minute. Worst of all, there is no smart, charismatic leader to point the way forward - not here or anywhere else. And please don't tell me Hillary will make things better. She won't.

Welcome to planet Earth, run by hairless monkeys who've lost their way. May the Flying Spaghetti Monster have mercy on us all.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Open letter to a demon

To: L. Diablo

Dear L,

Thanks for commenting on my blog post the other day. That was swell! I really appreciate the fact that you took a break from your demonic duties to write to me. I mean, how many demons would do such a thing? You're special.

Today, I just want you to know that I'm not angry at you or any of the demons who infest my home. I say this because it's finally hot and humid here -- and I know it's you guys who've been keeping the heat at bay for me. For almost the entire summer, you kept NY cool.

But I also know that you do important work here on Earth. It's you and your demon pals who keep the religious gits at bay and prevent them from going totally postal on everybody. I'm sure that takes up a lot of your time. The fact that you still managed to cool NY this summer is, well, it's downright impressive.

So I want you to know that I'll happily put up with a few days (or even weeks) of hazy, hot and humid weather. And I'll do it with a smile. It's my way of saying thanks to you and all the other demons who make life so nice for us humans. Stay well and don't forget me.

Keith O'Connor

PS: Do you know B.L. Zebub? I've heard he's cool, too. Okay, later.

None o' them new-fangled gadgets for me. No siree.

Although I love computers and everything they bring to the world, and though I consider it fun to perform maintenance tasks on a motorcycle, I detest most machines. Give me software; you keep the hardware.

Fax machines? I skipped them entirely, never deigning to actually use one. In baseball, they often say a hitter "spits on" a pitch. It means he thinks the pitch is garbage and ignores it. Well, I spit on fax machines.

I also hate washers, dryers, cars and most other machines. And I especially hate toaster ovens. Spawn of the devil! How dare they make me turn dials and settings? It's way too complicated and it sucks at toasting bread.

So I got me one o' them toasters. Yup, an old-timey toaster. It's great! I can't get over it: you just put the bread in and push down on a thing -- and moments later, toast pops out. It's a miracle!

I put the old toaster oven, which was only used by visitors to my house, in a pile of stuff I intended to throw out. But then a friend stopped by and he wanted it. So it found a home. (In case you're wondering, someone bought the damn thing for me. They were obviously possessed by demons.)

Now life is grand, what with my new toaster and all. Mmmm-mmmm-mmmmm. Crunchy.

Is there any kind of machinery you've avoided since it appeared on the scene? Seriously, fax machines?! Ugh.


Joe Jervis reports that the Vatican yanked that evil guy's diplomatic immunity. I'll believe this when I see the guy in a Dominican prison. Still, if the pope didn't do this he would become a cartoon. I mean, this is basic. Your representative sexually abuses kids; you yank his immunity and turn him over to the authorities. They've done the yanking, now let's see if they do the turning over.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

This is pretty cool

From an AP story:
Neo-Nazis rallying in the Swedish city of Norrkoping have been greeted by the theme song from "Schindler's List" ringing from the bells of city hall.

Local government spokesman Ulf Mossberg said city officials decided the tune from Steven Spielberg's Oscar-winning Holocaust drama was an appropriate way to demonstrate the city's belief in "the equal value of all people."

He said the bells of the clock tower played the song before and after a political rally Tuesday by the Party of the Swedes, a small extremist group that wants to stop immigration and reserve Swedish citizenship for people with "Western genetic and cultural heritage."
I love it. What is it about those northern countries? How come they get it? Could it be the lack of religion? I think so. If you don't waste time thinking about nonexistent super-creatures, you're able to focus on the meaningful aspects of life.

Monday, August 25, 2014

She'll make a great prez

Westhampton Beach, New York (CNN) – Hillary Clinton, who has yet to comment about the protests over the death of an unarmed black teenager in Ferguson, Missouri, ignored questions about the incident on Sunday.

After signing more than 700 books at Books & Books in Westhampton Beach, Clinton was asked by two reporters for her reaction to the controversy.

Clinton ignored both questions and left the bookstore.
A brave, brave lady. I'm sure she'll lead the country well.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Pope Francis does same old thing with child abuser

You thought Pope Francis would do better, didn't you? But when a papal nuncio (a papal ambassador) made a habit of sexually abusing boys in the Dominican Republic, the pope whisked him out of the country and brought him back to the Vatican. In other words, Jozef Wesolowski, the nuncio, will not be prosecuted for his crimes in the country where they took place. Same old, same old.
But far from settling the matter, the Vatican has stirred an outcry because it helped Mr. Wesolowski avoid criminal prosecution and a possible jail sentence in the Dominican Republic. Acting against its own guidelines for handling abuse cases, the church failed to inform the local authorities of the evidence against him, secretly recalled him to Rome last year before he could be investigated, and then invoked diplomatic immunity for Mr. Wesolowski so that he could not face trial in the Dominican Republic.
This is not what we expected from Francis the Good. It's more like the stylings of Benedict the Bad. And though there will be a "trial" at the Vatican, it seems the nuncio isn't suffering at all.
A Dominican bishop, Victor Masalles, visiting Rome in late June, said in a Twitter message that he was surprised to see Mr. Wesolowski “strolling the Via della Scrofa,” in the city’s picturesque ancient center. He added, “The silence of the Church has hurt the people of God.”
And of course, this unseemly affair is not viewed positively by the Catholic population in the Dominican Republic.
“The people used to say, ‘I want my child to go to a Catholic church,’ ” said the Rev. Rogelio Cruz, a Catholic priest here. “Now they say, ‘No child of mine is ever going to a Catholic church.’ ”
Not that that's a bad thing, mind you. But this interlude is just more of the same. Why can't the church turn their priests in for crimes? In light of the history of such crimes by church members, this is unacceptable. Why can't this church do the right thing?

Roman Catholicism. Same as it ever was.