Friday, May 30, 2014

Walk-on music for the first gay MLB baseball player

Because I'm a huge baseball fan, I often wonder about something. If you're a fan of the game, you know that each player picks a song as his "walk-on" music. It plays during at-home games as the player walks to the batter's box to hit. 

So here's the question: what song should the first gay baseball player pick? Mind you, it's up to him. That's understood. But if I was the first gay player, I know exactly the right song.

First, some background. Consider the fact that every other player these days feels a pressing need to pray on the goddamn ball field. I mean, really. Before every at-bat, these players make the sign of the cross. And then if they get on base, they do it again and point up at gods floating in the sky.

And it's not just the hitters. Pious pitchers wait until the camera's on them and they're about to pitch -- and then they go to the side of the mound, remove their cap, bow their pious heads and pray. Jesus. Some of them even use their finger to write scriptural nonsense on the side of the mound. To bless it, or something.

This battle is already over: Christianity and major league baseball have become one. (Just watch for slo-mo replays of them pointing at the sky, if you don't believe me.) I think this is sickening. It's baseball, people, not church. Go find your religious homies to pray with outside the stadium. Or do it in the locker room without the cameras on you. Why must we watch you pray? Is that in the bible too?

Sigh. Anyway, that's the background for my choice. If I was the first gay player, I'd use John Lennon's "Imagine" as my walk-on music. Wouldn't that be fabulous?

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us, only sky.
Imagine all the people
Living for today.

I love it. What do you think?