Monday, September 8, 2014

Espresso is god

When I accepted Caffeine as my Lord and Savior, I felt a wave of Blessedness wash over me -- or perhaps it was the effect of the cuppa java I had just guzzled. Either way, it was Divine.

And when I discovered the purity and power of Espresso, I realized that this was God Hisself.

I said, "Lord Espresso, come unto me and jangle my nerves with your Holy Rush. Make of me a productive person rather than a slouch. Get me up and running, oh Lord!"

And ever since that Blessed Moment when I turned my life and my future over to Caffeine, things have been faaaabulous!

If you haven't had a cup of Espresso today, I pity you -- for you are not among the Chosen. Hear my words, oh Lord Espresso, bring your dark, aromatic Goodness to these poor fools who know not of your Virtue. Go unto them, and plant a carton of vacuum-packed Espresso in their kitchen cabinets -- for they know not what they are missing.

May Lord Espresso look kindly upon you -- and may you imbibe His Virtue today and every day. So be it.