Thursday, December 1, 2011

Uppercase crazies

We've all encountered those crazy screeds on the internet that are written ALL IN CAPS and feature lots of exclamation marks (!!!) and usually some talk of Jesus and divine retribution. Who are these people and why do they write that way?

What's with the uppercase thing? Is it that they want to shout every word? I wonder if they scream all the time in their lives, at everyone and everything. Do they go to churches where their pastors scream at them, or come from screaming families? Were they drill sergeants? Did they recently stop taking their medication?

Since every one of them seems dimwitted, we have to ask if they even know they're typing in caps. Is "case" a nebulous feature of reality to them, something they just don't get? But if that was true, you'd expect them to write all in lowercase now and then. Or maybe mix and match a few paragraphs. But no, it's all-caps all the time. So they must be aware of it.

But why do they do it? Don't they know this identifies them as lunatics? People with functioning brains don't read uppercase emails unless they're trolling for unintentional humor -- something funny to showcase on the blog, perhaps. In other words, none of their inane messages ever gets to a reader because no one reads them.

Seriously, what are these people thinking? Oh, sorry; I forgot. They don't think. Never mind.