Not real? Who cares?

The Vatican is putting on a show:

The Vatican's decision to publicly exhibit the purported relics of the Apostle Peter for the first time this weekend has spotlighted the intense scientific debate over whether the bones actually belong to the first bishop of Rome. 

There isn't a lot in the article about the controversy, but it seems there is no proof that these are Peter's bones. Not to worry:

A senior Vatican official, Archbishop Rino Fisichella, acknowledged the debate Monday but suggested it almost doesn't matter if scientists determine the bones aren't Peter's since Christians have venerated them for two millennia and will continue to. 

And that's all that matters. If you've been doing something for a long time, that is reason enough to continue doing it. Doesn't matter what it is; repetition makes it true.

In fact, it doesn't even matter whether god is real. After all, people have been worshiping Jeebus for 2000 years. So everyone should just keep doing it. Makes great sense, right?

I'm just grateful we have smart people like the folks in the Vatican to sort out these troublesome issues for us. Honestly, what would we do without them?

BONUS:

Some Vatican archaeologists disagreed [with the idea that these are Peter's bones], and debate continues today much as it has over the authenticity of the Shroud of Turin. 

Since the Shroud of Turin is a fake, I guess this means the bones aren't Peter's. Birds of a feather, and all that.

Great Bruni column

Frank Bruni's "The Pope's Gay Panic" is one of the best takedowns of Vatican hypocrisy that I've ever read. Funny, incisive and biting. I don't want to steal his thunder, so I'll just give you the first paragraph:

I HAVE many questions for and about the “gay lobby” in the Vatican, but I’ll start with this: How can you be so spectacularly ineffective? 

Seriously, go read it. You'll thank me.

What kind of sex is Vatican-approved?

Yesterday, I quoted a twit priest who mentioned the "authentic truth about human sexuality". So, what kind of sex does the church consider "authentic"?

I mean, think about it. What type of sex gets the church's approval? They seem to be fanboys of the sex that occurs between male husband and female wife in a marriage -- as long as the couple avoids all the fun sinful positions while doing the deed. This kind of sex is not only great, it's holy!

And, judging by their actions rather than their words, we must infer that the church has no problem with the sex that priests force on children. If memory serves me correctly, it wasn't the priests, bishops and popes who railed against this common practice. It was outsiders who were horrified by priests raping kids, and brought the abuse to the attention of the media.  So I guess the church is fine with that kind of sex, too. It must be "authentic".

The characteristic that these two instances of "authentic" sex share is that the sex is viewed (by priests) as "forced". After all, no "good woman" enjoys marital sex. The husband forces it on the wife and it's her duty to comply with his illustrious, husbandly wishes. No fun, no foul. (And never you mind if the men enjoy it; that's what men do: they enjoy. It's their god-given right as menfolk!)

But in a gay marriage, neither partner is forced to have sex with a more powerful partner. The power issue is very important. If a man doesn't get to lord it over a less powerful creature, it's not god-approved.

Gay marriage, by definition, involves equality. And in the eyes of the church, people who are equal can't have "authentic" sex. Only the sex a man forces on his wife (or a priest forces on a child) is godly, good and above all else, authentic. If neither partner honors god by forcing sex on the other, how can the relationship be holy? Given these parameters, gay marriage will always be a sham. So say the priests.

I think this idea has wings. It's all about the forcing. What do you think? Does this argument ring true for you?

Vatican raises a glass to homophobia

Without ever mentioning sexual orientation (because they know the EU would blast them for it), the Vatican issued a tremendously deceptive message. The "Statement of the Holy See delivered by Bishop Mario Toso, SDB, at the High Level Conference on Tolerance and Non-discrimination (including Human Rights Youth Education)" is riddled with hatred of gays. But it's couched in terms that make it seem as if it's the Christians who are being discriminated against. And why? Just because the poor, sweet, dears do hateful things to gay people. But, and here's the heart of the message, they just can't help themselves. Jeebus wants them to be hateful! It's their religious duty, or something.

The basic idea contained in the statement of the "Holy See" (I love that term) is that their compelling religious need to hate gay people is, well, it's being cramped by tedious legislation and cries of intolerance. Yes, it's the "you won't tolerate my intolerance!" argument again.

Here are the relevant portions of the Holy See's document. (Crossed-out remarks represent the actual meaning of words that follow.)

In recent years there has been a significant increase in incidents involving Christians who have been arrested and even prosecuted, for going after gay people with pitchforks and knives speaking on Christian issues. Religious leaders are threatened with police action after preaching about their godly hatred of all things gay sinful behaviour and some are even sentenced to prison for hate crimes against gays preaching on the biblical teaching against sexual immorality.

The second area where intolerance against Christians can clearly be seen is in regard to the entirely Christian urge to hurt gay people Christian conscience, particularly in the workplace. Throughout Europe there have been numerous instances of Christians being removed from the workplace simply for acting viciously and without rational cause seeking to act according to their conscience.

Participating OSCE States must therefore guarantee that Christians are allowed to be as hateful as their god wants them to be intolerance and discrimination against Christians is ended, enabling Christians to stalk and harm gay people speak freely on issues that the government or others may find disagreeable, and please their hateful god, even at work act on their consciences in the workplace and elsewhere.

I guess the Vatican is really down with the violence against gays, huh? They're probably cheering about the anti-gay attacks that took place in NY in recent weeks. And -- coincidentally, of course -- America's bishops, led by the ever-smiling, always anti-gay, almost-pope Timmy Dolan, are handing out a "special bulletin" calling for anti-gay sermons at masses nationwide this Sunday. This will be especially appreciated in New York, where so many gay bashings have happened lately. Timmy, you make this violence happen to gays. (This article provides the details.)

That's quite a hate convention church they've got there.

Hat tip: Joe Jervis

A pope-stravaganza!

In an otherwise listless story about Pope Francis meeting Egypt's Coptic pope at the Vatican, we find this lovely tidbit:

Tawadros' presence inside the Apostolic Palace meant there were actually three popes inside the Vatican on Friday: Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI was in his retirement home in a monastery inside the Vatican gardens. 

And while the three men believe entirely different things, each is infallible. (Okay, the Copts don't claim this superpower. Still, it's fun.)

Why does the Vatican hate gay people?

So the new pope is going to be as bad about gay issues as the last pope. You have to ask yourself why. Why is the Vatican pathologically focused on gays? And by "gays", I mean gay men. You know in your heart that it's the men they hate. For the Vatican, women are always a side issue, and a very unimportant one.

So what's their problem? I think about this at times. One possibility that springs to mind is that they feel obliged to fight gay marriage because of their fears for the priesthood. Perhaps they've come to understand that priests will continue to rape children unless they allow them to marry -- women, of course. So they see this in their future.

Imagine that the Vatican says, "Okay, priestly fellows. You can marry now." And at the very same time, gay marriage becomes normalized in society, worldwide. You don't have to imagine this last bit. It's happening right now.

Perhaps the Vatican is worried that this will lead to two priests marrying. And then two more, and two more, until most of the Catholic priesthood is composed of men who are married to other men. "What then?!!!" the Vatican shrieks. Horrors!

Okay, so maybe that's not the reason. But do you doubt they consider such things in that horrid building in Rome? The specter of gay married priests probably haunts their dreams. If so, it would add to the vehemence of their attacks on anything gay.

Then again, maybe not. Why do you think the Vatican considers fighting gay marriage to be more important than, you know, saving souls? 

The honeymoon is over

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The Vatican says Pope Francis supports the Holy See's crackdown on the largest umbrella group of U.S. nuns, who were faulted for focusing too much on social justice instead of issues such as abortion. 

Ah, well. What were we hoping for, anyway? The pope is Catholic. Therefore he must be filled with hatred toward all things he perceives as less than totally male. It's the Vatican way.

It was a fun act, for a time. Lots of fun, in fact. But the sheen is off and the boxing gloves are back on. Stay tuned for the pope saying hateful things about gay people.

Darn. This is really going to upset Catholics in the US. They were hoping, too. So much for that.

The church of sex

Last night while watching the local (NYC) news, I heard a righteous rant. The station has a fairly rightwing guy who opines late in the show (along with a great leftwing funny guy, so you don't mind it so much). Anyway, he chose the Vatican as his sparring partner last night.

What he said was why is my church totally focused on sex? What happened to god and religion? Today's Roman Catholic church is just about opposing contraception, belittling gay couples, fighting against abortion and raping little kids when no one is looking. He was aghast and hoped the new pope would return the religion's focus to, you know, religion.

It was a great rant because it made sense and was easy to understand. The Roman Catholic church is all about sex -- which isn't allowed for priests (right!), single people and teh gays. The only thing priests do anymore is rant about everyone else's sex lives (while refusing to talk about the sex lives of priests). How did this come to pass? When exactly did the Vatican turn Roman Catholicism into the church of sex? And lastly and most importantly, why?

I went to a Catholic high school in the 1960s and even did a semester at a Catholic college. And I assure you no one, including the priests and brothers, was focused on this stuff. This is a new, sick addiction for the church -- and it needs to move on. Somehow, some way, the church must learn that people have a right to govern their own sex lives. And after the priests shut up about sex, if they have something to say about, you know, religion, they should let us know. Until then, the church of sex should be shunned.

Boy Scouts survey encourages anti-gay discrimination

They just wanted to poll their members. Right. This Boy Scouts survey is designed for one purpose only: to encourage fear and hostility toward gay scouts and leaders. Reading the questions made me ill. It's like they were dreamt up by NOM.

• A gay male troop leader, along with another adult leader, is taking a group of  boys on a camping trip following the youth protection guidelines of two-deep leadership. Is it acceptable or unacceptable for the gay adult leader to take adolescent boys on an overnight camping trip?
• Bob is 15 years old, and the only openly gay Scout in a Boy Scout troop. Is it acceptable or unacceptable for the troop leader to allow Bob to tent with a heterosexual boy on an overnight camping trip?
• Johnny, a first grade boy, has joined Tiger Cubs with his friends. Johnny’s friends and their parents unanimously nominate Johnny’s mom, who is known by them to be lesbian, to be the den leader. Johnny’s pack is chartered to a church where the doctrine of that faith does not teach that homosexuality is wrong. Is it acceptable or unacceptable for his mother to serve as a den leader for his Cub Scout den?
• David, a Boy Scout, believes that homosexuality is wrong. His troop is chartered to a church where the doctrine of that faith also teaches that homosexuality is wrong. Steve, an openly gay youth, applies to be a member in the troop and is denied membership. Is it acceptable or unacceptable for this troop to deny Steve membership in their troop?

If you don't know what's wrong with these questions, you're probably at the wrong blog. I'm surprised they didn't ask this one:

• Johnny is gay and has a bomb that he carries around with him all the time. Is it okay for Johnny to sleep with your 8-year-old son on a single cot, with a lighter and lube in his hand?

The Boy Scouts of America is playing this game just as the Vatican would -- with a stacked deck. Christian churches have made a mess of gay issues, just as the Scouts have. And it seems, judging by this survey (and the election of the new anti-gay pope), that nothing will ever change in either of these organizations.

How DARE they point fingers at cardinals?

I'm taking a break from writing (already!) because I couldn't resist making fun of commenting on this:

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The Vatican spokesman says a group representing church sex abuse victims is acting out of "negative prejudices" when criticizing cardinals. 

The nerve of those abuse victims! I can't imagine why they might have "negative prejudices" about the cardinals who failed to stop priestly sex abuse after they were made aware of it. Honestly, the nerve of some of these "victims".

When will these now-adult victims get their act together? And to bring this up now -- at such a sacred moment in the church's heavenly process! Don't they know the cardinals are doing the work of Christ?! These "victims" must be in the employ of Satan!

Is this a great church, or what? Every day they say something stupid. Sometimes I think they do it just for me.

Heterosexual cabal to elect new pope

They never say that, do they? No, it's always a homosexual cabal. But my headline is the truth (if we make believe these cardinals are straight). I just thought I'd mention this while cabals are in the air.

It seems I control the news

I watched ABC news last night and was overjoyed to see them trash the pope, the Vatican and the cardinals. It almost seemed like I'd written the script. The segment was both accurate and snarky. It ended by saying that Cardinal Mahony, who hid LA's rapist priests, had compared his well-deserved humiliation to the pain suffered by Jesus.

It was great fun. But of course, these newsfolk have no mettle and even less memory. They'll soon be kneeling reverently as they watch white smoke curl into the sky. But you can't deny the majesty of this moment in time, when all the world can see the evil Vatican for what it is -- a group of old men who care about no one but themselves.

NY Daily News comes out and says it

Pope Benedict’s stunning resignation is being linked to a bombshell report exposing a secret gay conclave at the Vatican being blackmailed over acts of a “worldly nature” with laymen.

The 300-page dossier — compiled by three cardinals investigating the theft of Vatican documents — was given to the Pope on Dec. 17, the same day he decided to resign, an Italian newspaper reported Friday.

Just days after receiving the report, Pope Benedict railed against gay marriage and homosexuality, calling it “the manipulation of nature.”

Members of the gay lobby included high-ranking Catholic clergy who organized sex romps at a Rome sauna, a suburban Rome villa and a beauty parlor, according to the report. The group was also known to meet at a university residence used by an Italian archbishop.

Quoting a high-placed Vatican source, La Repubblica revealed members of the gay faction were being subjected to “external influence” or blackmail, from laymen with whom they had relationships of a “worldly nature.”

There you have it. This sex-mad church is collapsing before our eyes. Kinda fun!

Malala Yousafzai inspires world

Did you see the video of Malala Yousafzai that was released yesterday? If not, go watch the first video on this page. I'll wait. (Taps fingers impatiently on desk.)

Okay. Was that amazing, or what? This child is obviously a living saint. I felt privileged to hear her words. They were that inspiring. And to think that she's only 14 and has suffered so much because of her advocacy for girls' education. She truly is a living saint.

(I can't help but wonder what happened at the Vatican as they watched this video and saw an actual, you know, saint. I imagine blood vessels burst in the dried-up skulls of many old men. Because they don't really make saints in Vatican City. They just gather shady anecdotes and then pick someone from a country they wish had more Catholics. It's a gimmick and they all know it. And then along comes a real saint. That must hurt.)

Pope's right-hand man criticized for Nazi terminology

Der Spiegel takes another look at the high-ranking Roman Catholic official who decided to play the Nazi card.

In an interview with the newspaper Die Welt published on Friday, the archbishop said: "Targeted discreditation campaigns against the Catholic Church in North America and also here in Europe have led to clerics in some areas being insulted in public. An artificially created fury is growing here which sometimes reminds one of a pogrom sentiment."

Müller was appointed last year as head of the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, a position Pope Benedict XVI occupied for 24 years before his election to the papacy.

Obviously, the man is a close confidant of the pope. I don't think it's a reach to assume that the "pogrom" terminology comes from the pope himself. Let us remember that Pope Ratzi was once a "Young Nazi". And he wouldn't let his right-hand man say something unless he also approved of the sentiment. This is a very controlling pope. Here's more from the Spiegel article:

The co-leader of the opposition Greens, Claudia Roth, called Müller's statement "utterly unacceptable and dangerously forgetful of history."

She accused Müller of trying to block calls for a reform of the Catholic Church. "The chief ideologist of the Vatican sounds as if he would like to beam the Catholic Church back into the Middle Ages."

That's exactly where the church wishes it was today -- because then it could simply execute those who spoke against it. But sadly for the pope, it is not the year 1400. This church does not belong in the modern era. It's a throwback, something that needs to go extinct. Luckily, everything the Vatican says and does brings the church closer to the moment when it will cease to exist.

Catholic hospitals fail German public

Der Spiegel minces no words when addressing the failures of Roman Catholic health facilities in Germany.

Wanting nothing to do with a possible early termination of a pregnancy, doctors working for the Cellitines turned away a woman who was seeking help shortly before Christmas, despite the strong suspicion that she had been raped.

Last week, the order publicly downplayed the case when it made national news, calling it "very regrettable" and "a misunderstanding."

Turning away rape victims can hardly be called a misunderstanding.

This failure to meet the needs of female patients outrages Germans, and rightly so. How can this church, of all churches, pretend that it is ethical?

Catholic facilities are increasingly sealing themselves off, often behaving as if they were part of a state within a state; a cosmos subject to its own rules, which are monitored by the pope and his bishops; and a world in which federal, state and local governments have little say.

Every year, Catholic dioceses receive billions in funds from obligatory taxes paid by church members. But when it comes to scandals, such as when sexual abuse is systematically covered up and remains uninvestigated for years, citizens have little influence and are left to experience how the church energetically defends its special rights.

The internet is shining a light on the church's evil doings. I don't see how Catholicism can survive the current, heightened level of scrutiny. It's a church without ethics, without morals. This doesn't escape people's notice.

Wow! The pope tweeted in Latin!

Here is what the pope tweeted:

"Unitati christifidelium integre studentes quid iubet Dominus? Orare semper, iustitiam factitare, amare probitatem, humiles Secum ambulare," the pontiff wrote.

Since I understand Latin, I'll translate for you:

"Untying Christian fidelity will integrate students, for a quid, in the bed of Dominic. Roaring or simpering, with justice or farts, but loving the probing -- it makes me humble. Call a secular ambulance!"

I still don't know what it means but I hope my translation will help religious authorities to understand the pope's blessed intentions. As always, he seems to be thinking only of young people. Watta guy!

A flawed protest

The headline says 4 women strip, protest Vatican gay marriage stance.

VATICAN CITY (AP) — Four women have gone topless in St. Peter's Square to protest the Vatican's opposition to gay marriage.

Police quickly took the women away Sunday, and the pope appeared not to have been disturbed as he delivered his traditional prayer from his studio window overlooking the piazza. 

Of course the very gay, anti-gay pope wasn't "disturbed". I'm sure he didn't even glance at the women. Now, if male protesters had gone bottomless -- that would have gotten the pope's attention (and wormed its way into his dreams). Alas, only women took part in the protest. Even a topless male would have drawn the pope's glance. Who plans these things?

Vatican cares ever so deeply about child welfare

After hiding the rape of a zillion kids under the rug, the Vatican says kids need momma and pappa. Or they'll be harmed! Oy, the irony. But of course, it's not about kids at all. It's about hating the gays.

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The Vatican has insisted that children should grow up with a father and a mother after Italy's high court granted custody of a child to his gay mother.

They just care so damn much about the kids. There's so much love in their hearts, they can't hold it in. It spews all over the children, this love.

The Roman Catholic church, especially under this pope, is a church of hatred. It's what it's made of; it's what it does. Oh, and it rapes kids. Mustn't forget that.

A slice of Vatican life

As he cleaned his teeth with a gold toothpick, Pope Benedict XVI urged world leaders on Monday to try to reduce the growing gap between the rich and the poor...

I wonder if he was sitting on his gold throne as he said this. Though I don't know the answer to this question, I have it on good authority that when he finished the speech, he spat on the Vatican floor and said, "Good! Now we can get back to persecuting the gays. Bring me my high-heeled red shoes! And get Timmeh in here. That boy is so damn good at this!"