Caffeine, and such

All Fox News viewers drink decaffeinated coffee -- every one of them. We know this to be true because if they had a cup of real coffee, they'd wake up and change the channel. I swear, these people are so odd. They're a combination of opposing things. Even as they are enraged by the latest nonsense spewed by Fox News, more than 50% of their brain mass remains in coma. A single cup of real coffee could cure many of these lost souls, but that will never happen. They fear coffee, like vampires fear sunshine.

Speaking of caffeine, you've all been watching Chris Hayes' show on MSNBC, right? It's on weeknights at 8 pm, right before Rachel. I swear, as I watch the show I find myself rejoicing. Finally someone is talking fast enough. Hallelujah! Not only that but his staccato delivery infects his guests, and soon they're all jabbering at lightning speed. How this thrills my heart.

Chris is terrific. Knows his stuff and doesn't let anything slip by. It's like blogs came to life and turned into a TV guy. And did I mention he talks fast?

Espresso has less caffeine than regular coffee?

I don't see how espresso can be said to have less caffeine than regular coffee. Yet that's what it says on my bag of Aroma coffee.

I adore espresso coffee and for many years, I was perfectly happy with various (mostly Latino) brands. But then, as one, they lost their taste. El Pico, Bustelo, Cafe Caribe, Pilon and other espresso coffee brands now taste like brewed cardboard. This was a major bummer. I began to buy brand after brand, looking for something that tasted like espresso. I was very happy to find this brand -- Aroma -- at a local store. It's terrific and it revs you up to 300 mph with just one cup.

But it says the strangest thing on the package. Here's the copy:

"Espresso is regular coffee roasted darker and has less caffeine."

Indeed. Is that why I feel like I just shot speed after having a cup? This effect is due to the low level of caffeine? Anyway, isn't this a ridiculous statement? Espresso is what you use to wake yourself up after eating a ridiculously large meal. It's Caffeine City, and always has been.

I'm at a loss on this one. Any suggestions, opinions, jokes?

Put that cup down, pardner

I think the results of a new study from the UK are funny. They tested male and female reactions to caffeine. The results? It turns out the men can't handle it but the women thrive. Apparently the men's fight-or-flight reactions are triggered when they drink coffee. It actually lessens their effectiveness! I'm not sure why I this so funny but I do.

Here are a couple of take-out paragraphs from the above-linked article:

The results, published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology showed that pairs of women drinking caffeinated coffee completed puzzles 100 seconds faster than those on decaffeinated coffee, while men on caffeine completed the puzzles 20 seconds slower than those on the decaffeinated. Men drinking caffeinated coffee were “greatly impaired” in the memory tasks.

The researchers pointed out that many high-level meetings are male-dominated and concluded that unlimited supplies of coffee at such meetings might not be a good idea, at least for the men attending them. They said men might even “unintentionally sabotage the partnerships forged to solve stressful issues.”