Those brave, brave American mall shoppers

It's hard to contain one's admiration as one observes Americans everywhere, heading to the malls despite the remote possibility of a terrorist attack. Be still, my heart! The sight of so many brave souls marching as one to the malls...humbles me and brings me to my knees. So much heroism in one place!

Have you ever seen such valor? These fine Americans are braving the incredibly infinitesimal chance that they will be the victims of terrorism (and hopefully end up being interviewed on Fox News). Seriously, have you ever witnessed such bravery in your life? Just look at their full shopping bags! These are true Americans who do the fruited plains justice.

And you know what? One aspect of their bravery has not been noted in media broadcasts or in print, until this very moment. Yes, it's time for more Breaking News on the Worlds Blog. It is this: not one item in any of those shopping bags is needed! No, these Americans literally braved gunfire for stuff they didn't need. Cuz that's the kind of patriots they are!

I insist that the Pentagon issue Medals of Valor to each and every American shopper who shows up at a mall, anytime this year.

Oh, oh -- and there should be a statue, too. Yes, that's a fine idea. A statue of The Valorous American Shopper should be erected immediately at every mall in this country. Preferably, each statue should feature a brave shopper who is carrying four full shopping because he wants to exercise his freedoms.

Truly, the heart thrills at the very thought of these new American Heroes. USA!! USA!!

Meh. And oy, too. (And yeesh.)

Craven American of the Day: Timmy Dolan

There is some hope among American nuns, now that Francis is pope. According to the linked article, many nuns believe that Pope Francis' focus on the poor will blend well with the way the nuns see their mission: to minister to the least fortunate. Mind you, the article also includes the pinched voices of religious authoritarians who seem to hope that the pope will flagellate the nuns in public, preferably in the nude. There will always be ill voices.

However, I found it detestable that cardinal Timmy Dolan would chime in, as if he's the voice of unconditional love:

In an interview with The Associated Press this week, U.S. Cardinal Timothy Dolan, the head of the U.S. bishops' conference, said he expected Pope Francis would bring "freshness" and understanding to the debate with the Leadership Conference..."I think the greatest thing he's going to bring is to say to everybody 'Be not afraid. We're friends. We're on this journey together.'"

Indeed. Timmy, you're not anyone's friend. In fact, as the head of the US. Conference on Catholic Bishops, you had a hand in this debacle. And if I recall correctly, you seemed quite happy with the idea that the nuns would soon suffer at the Vatican's hand. And you certainly never spoke up for them. (Criticize your boss? That's not in your job description, is it, Timmy?) To hop in now and say you hope the pope brings "understanding to the debate" is hypocritical and, in your case, downright craven. Thus I crown you the Craven American of the Day.

We see you, Timmy. We really do. You are the very definition of "repulsive". Thank dog they didn't make you pope.

Now that it's safe, Hillary is on our side

Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her support for gay marriage Monday, putting her in line with other potential Democratic presidential candidates on a social issue that is rapidly gaining public approval. 

What courage it must have taken for Hillary to say this now that the battle is all but over. What a brave, brave woman she must be.