Mizulina, mezzaluna, bippity-boppity-boo

Yelena Mizulina is Russia's dour lady. According to the NYT, she's "Vladimir Putin's new morality crusader, spearheading efforts to curb gay rights, punish online cursing and impose a tax on divorce." Here's a bit more from the story:

Yelena Mizulina, a member of parliament, has used her position as the head of the Committee on Family, Women and Children to author increasingly conservative laws, including a ban on homosexual "propaganda" that went into force last month.

Her pearls, bland blazers and matronly mien belie a fierce fighter who is ready to take her loudest critics to court. In turn, they have labeled her the "Inquisitor" and ridiculed her online. One recent blog posting shows her gritting her teeth with the speech bubble: "You will behave yourself while on My Internet." 

It's a strange world. Speaking of which, I had an encounter with her tool twin, the mezzaluna, yesterday. But as one Amazon commenter said: "It's too sharp!" I was chopping onions last night when they suddenly turned bright red. I didn't feel any pain; it's that sharp. (Don't worry; I'm fine.)

Mizulina, mezzaluna -- they do the same thing.

So what's Timmy been up to?

Cardinal Timothy Dolan is like shingles -- painful and popping up all the time. If he's not attacking gays, he's attacking nuns. And when he gets bored of the latter, he attacks politicians. Which brings us to the subject of this post.

NY's Governor Cuomo plans to enshrine (no pun intended) federal abortion rights within New York law. This way if Republican nuts manage to overturn Roe v. Wade, abortion will still remain safe and legal in NY. As a result, Cuomo has awakened the sleeping Timmy monster.

New York’s Timothy Cardinal Dolan warned Gov. Cuomo to be ready for a holy battle if he tries to strengthen state abortion-rights laws.

Always with the false religion, that Timmy. But wait, it gets better.

When asked how Cuomo could still consider himself a Catholic in good standing while also promoting abortion legislation, Dolan responded: “That’s something that I talk turkey with him about.”

Always with the threats, that Timmy. But wait, didn't that remark sound a bit too strong? Maybe he needs to have his emissaries pull it back in the media. After all, was he really going to threaten Cuomo with excommunication? That is the thrust of his remarks; this can't be denied. Or can it?

Dolan spokesman Joseph Zwilling later said the cardinal did not mean to suggest that Cuomo would not be a Catholic in good standing if he went forward with the bill.

Of course not! Heaven forfend. Dear, sweet Timmy would never say anything vicious like that. Perhaps he "misspoke".

“The subject he talks turkey about was abortion,” Zwilling said.

Uh, no. It wasn't. The question he was asked concerned Cuomo's status as a "Catholic in good standing". He was threatening Cuomo's soul.

Now, there's no such thing as a soul, of course. So these remarks were as meaningless as everything else that Timmy says. But he definitely was threatening Cuomo's soul. 

Dolan is a beastly creature. He shows this every time he opens his mouth. It's too bad he wasn't elected pope. He would have tanked the church in 20 years, tops.