Monday, August 22, 2011

Five Easy Pieces at the DMV

The last time I visited the DMV to renew my license, they took a few photos. Then the 50ish female clerk put four photos on the screen and said, "Pick one."

I said "I don't care. You pick one."

Instantly, the woman became apoplectic. "You have to pick one of the photos," she said, as if explaining to a child that night will come whether the child likes it or not.

I can't help myself -- I love to kick the supports out from under this sort of rigid fool.

I said, "I really don't care. Any one will do. Any one at all."

Her face darkened. She said, "You have to choose one of these photos. Pick one."

Then her face turned an even deeper red and she compressed her lights so tightly that I thought she might hurt herself. She stared -- and the look in those eyes! The woman apparently thought she was looking at the devil hisself, a creature that wouldn't follow rules! Lawdy!

"I don't care which one you use, " I said again. "You'll have to choose." And I smiled, very sweetly I thought.

After a long hesitation during which she glared at me incessantly, her eyes telling me everything her mouth never would, the woman finally stabbed a key. It was clear that she'd rather stick a spike in my eye. Sweet lady. She chose a nice photo, too. Thanks, DMV lady!

You know, next time I take a driving photo I think I'll toss my ponytail around to the front. It's more obnoxious that way.