Let's check the Arts and Entertainment network first. Oh, look. They're showing Flipping Vegas, followed by two hours of Shipping Wars. That sounds very artistic and entertaining.
The History Channel may have even better fare. They've got a show about Nostradamus followed by a full day of disaster fare. Yay! The end of the world -- and it's historic.
Maybe there's something better on Bravo. Such a great name for a network. They must have the real classy stuff. Let's see. Ah, they've got a full day of The Real Housewives of Who The Hell Cares Where. Must-see TV!
Let's move on to NatGeo. Now this is a name we know and trust. I mean, it's National Geographic. I'm sure they'll have some classy fare. Let's take a peek. Oh, boy! They've got a full day of Alaska State Troopers! Whoopee!
Okay, this next one surely offers high-quality fare. It's The Discovery Channel, after all. Let's see what we can discover there. Oooooh, look! Amish Mafia and Moonshiners! For hours and hours!
Okay, I'm starting to get upset. But there's one more classy channel to check out: The Learning Channel. Well, that's got to be terrific. Oh, it seems they're showing many, many hours of Undercover Boss. Am I learning now?
And this is the cream of the crop. Welcome to American TV. Sigh.
Also too: The names of the stations I've mentioned are Newspeak, just like the Clear Skies Act, No Child Left Behind and the latest one: Right to Work. It's all Pleather. Ah, America! Of thee I sing.