But why is this happening? I was thinking about this last night when it suddenly hit me: I may have caused this glorious weather!
Stay with me here. In May of 2013, I invited demons into my home. I did this because in all the horror movies I've seen, when ghosts or demons are present, the room gets cold. I figured if I invited demons into my house, they'd keep the place cool during the summer. And it worked!
But what if this act of kindness so moved the demons that they responded in a huge way? What if they extended the coolness to an area hundreds of miles around my house? This would explain the incursion of the polar vortex last winter, and the cool summer we're having this year. Maybe the cold is the result of a passel of demons saying "Thanks, Keith".
Think about it. It makes sense. And maybe this means we should all invite demons into our homes. Perhaps demons are grossly misunderstood. They may be kind, cuddly creatures who were unjustly maligned by religious fools for millenia. Just imagine how terrible they'd feel, what with being so sweet and all, and yet having to withstand overwhelming hatred from religious people.
We must right this wrong. Today, right this second, stop what you're doing. Go to the center of the room, look down to Hell and say, "Demons! Come unto me and mine! Haunt my home! Live with me!"
Let's begin this grand experiment and then report the results on this blog. Good times are ahead if we just give ourselves, our homes and our lives to demons! That's the message, kiddies. Go for it.