NY is having a Hell of a good summer. But why?

If you live in New York state, I'm willing to bet you're very happy with the summer that landed on your doorstep this year. It's been so nice here, it's unbelievable. This summer, there have been only four days where the temperature hit 90 degrees! And by and large, the humidity that usually plagues New York hasn't arrived. It's been beautiful.

But why is this happening? I was thinking about this last night when it suddenly hit me: I may have caused this glorious weather!

Stay with me here. In May of 2013, I invited demons into my home. I did this because in all the horror movies I've seen, when ghosts or demons are present, the room gets cold. I figured if I invited demons into my house, they'd keep the place cool during the summer. And it worked!

But what if this act of kindness so moved the demons that they responded in a huge way? What if they extended the coolness to an area hundreds of miles around my house? This would explain the incursion of the polar vortex last winter, and the cool summer we're having this year. Maybe the cold is the result of a passel of demons saying "Thanks, Keith".

Think about it. It makes sense. And maybe this means we should all invite demons into our homes. Perhaps demons are grossly misunderstood. They may be kind, cuddly creatures who were unjustly maligned by religious fools for millenia. Just imagine how terrible they'd feel, what with being so sweet and all, and yet having to withstand overwhelming hatred from religious people.

We must right this wrong. Today, right this second, stop what you're doing. Go to the center of the room, look down to Hell and say, "Demons! Come unto me and mine! Haunt my home! Live with me!"

Let's begin this grand experiment and then report the results on this blog. Good times are ahead if we just give ourselves, our homes and our lives to demons! That's the message, kiddies. Go for it.

So...where are the demons?

A little over a year ago, I invited demons into my home. It was May of 2013 and I was expecting another hot summer. But then it occurred to me that, in the movies at least, demons tend to make a place feel cold. Brrrrrr. Sounded good to me.

So I went on the all-powerful internet and invited any and all demons into my home. That my public offer would infuriate the pope was the icing on my dark and daring cake. He loves him some demons. Thinks the devil is real! What a card. Always fun-loving, the new pope!

Well, here I am, more than a year later. I figure it's time to recount my extensive experiences with the demons during that time. Here goes:

Uh...well...tch. The demons that moved into my house must be the no-see-'em kind of demons. Because for the life of me, I never saw or heard them, ever. And nothing in my life changed. Well, that's not entirely true. My luck and health improved during the year -- I was even saved from a tree falling on my house! It was almost like I was protected.) And the house stayed nice and cool all summer! It worked!

My personal experience makes me wonder why people are so afraid of demons. It seems they don't do anything bad -- in fact, they sometimes help people live happier, healthier lives. I guess demons are kind of like vitamins. Protective, you know?

I wonder what religious gits think about all this. They go around blessing stuff and doing incantations to ward these demon fellers off. They seem to think demons are bad. So why did I have such a lovely year after inviting demons into my home? Is there a pastor out there who'd like to reply?

It couldn't be that...demons aren't real. Could it? Heavens!