Old popeyguy returns to Vatican

I couldn't remain unplugged. I couldn't! Apparently, they whisked the former popeyguy into the Vatican by helicopter. It was very hush-hush.

No live TV coverage of the former pope's return was allowed by the Vatican. 

He is the pope who will never be seen, or so the Vatican fervently hopes. I think the curia should look into getting one of those invisibility shields from the US. They could drape it over the old popeyguy and he could trot around the Vatican without anyone being the wiser.

I imagine him standing next to cardinals, unbeknownst to them, and whispering hateful things in their ears.

"This new popeyguy is a liberal crazyman. He is the anti-Christ! You must defy him -- or you risk losing your immortal soul!"

And then he'd sneak away to whisper hateful things in the next set of holy ears. He might even influence Pope Frankie by whispering in his ear.

"You're a bad pope! You're not as good as the old pope! You are possessed by demons!"

I imagine this would work out nicely.

The (ahem) courier

You've probably read that a handsome prelate -- the Rev. Monsignor Gaenswein, a favorite of Pope Benedict -- will spend his days with the new popey guy while spending his nights with the old popey guy.

The retired pontiff is hanging on to his hunky private secretary, the Rev. Monsignor Gaenswein — and even moving him into his retirement quarters in the Vatican.

But Benedict has also given Gaenswein another gig as head of the new Pope’s household. And that means his closest confidante will be keeping tabs on his successor.

It remains to be seen how well Gaenswein serves two masters, but Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi said he sees no conflict of interest.

Lombardi is one of the least perceptive men at the Vatican. So let's see...the outgoing popey guy said he'd pipe down and let the new pope run things. Uh-huh. I'm sure the old popey guy would never send a message to the new popey guy via this handy courier.

Because that's what Gaenswein will be: a courier, transmitting messages from the old authoritarian pope to the new authoritarian pope. Change in leadership, my ass.