Walk-on music for the first gay MLB baseball player

Because I'm a huge baseball fan, I often wonder about something. If you're a fan of the game, you know that each player picks a song as his "walk-on" music. It plays during at-home games as the player walks to the batter's box to hit. 

So here's the question: what song should the first gay baseball player pick? Mind you, it's up to him. That's understood. But if I was the first gay player, I know exactly the right song.

First, some background. Consider the fact that every other player these days feels a pressing need to pray on the goddamn ball field. I mean, really. Before every at-bat, these players make the sign of the cross. And then if they get on base, they do it again and point up at gods floating in the sky.

And it's not just the hitters. Pious pitchers wait until the camera's on them and they're about to pitch -- and then they go to the side of the mound, remove their cap, bow their pious heads and pray. Jesus. Some of them even use their finger to write scriptural nonsense on the side of the mound. To bless it, or something.

This battle is already over: Christianity and major league baseball have become one. (Just watch for slo-mo replays of them pointing at the sky, if you don't believe me.) I think this is sickening. It's baseball, people, not church. Go find your religious homies to pray with outside the stadium. Or do it in the locker room without the cameras on you. Why must we watch you pray? Is that in the bible too?

Sigh. Anyway, that's the background for my choice. If I was the first gay player, I'd use John Lennon's "Imagine" as my walk-on music. Wouldn't that be fabulous?

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us, only sky.
Imagine all the people
Living for today.

I love it. What do you think?

Biggest Catholic hypocrite ever?

Who can say? There's so much competition for the title. But Joe Jervis has a story today about a priest who is, at the very least, a finalist in this closely-watched, fierce competition. I think he just may win the coveted title of Biggest Catholic Hypocrite Ever. And that's saying a lot.

Final note: the fact that there is no god makes this priest's bigotry even more appalling. Liars for Jesus -- they're everywhere.

Hamsters probably enjoy running on a wheel

The proof is in. Researchers wanted to find out if wild animals would, on their own, hop on a running wheel and run on it. Lo and behold, they love it.

In all the team recorded over 200,000 animals using one or the other of the wheels over a three year period. The main runners were mice, some of which jumped on, ran for a while, jumped off, then jumped back on and ran some more. One mouse ran for an incredible 18 minutes.

So it's settled: they loves them some wheels. This puts the issue to bed forever, I assume. One thing pissed me off, though. The writer apparently felt compelled to include this statement:

The researchers claim the animals ran on the wheels because they enjoyed it, which could be a little bit of anthropomorphizing, as no one has been able to prove that animals other than humans experience emotions.

Duh. Whenever I see a statement like this, I wonder if the writer has actually met a real, living animal. Of course they have emotions. People who think otherwise are privileged gits with a huge blind spot.

The marriage equality flag

Now that the "gay flag" has fully morphed into the equality flag, I purchased two of them. And it's not just because I'm gay. A lot of straight people are flying this flag because they support marriage equality. And that's a very nice sentiment.

Mind you, marriage bores me to death no matter the sex of the people involved. Marriage sounds like jail to me. One of the happiest thoughts I will ever have is "I never got married. Hooray!" So it's a bit difficult to cheer the scads of marriage-happy gays.

We must have the right to marry, of course. It's a crucial battle that has to be fought in every state and country. That I can get behind. But seriously, don't even tell me about your marriage. I'll just get bored.

Why did I buy two? So I'll have one on hand when a friend inevitably says, "Oh, I wish I had one of those!" I'll hand it over toute suite.

If you're not flying a "marriage equality flag", why not? Go get one today.

Dowd eviscerates Condi

Every once in a (great) while, Maureen Dowd is worth reading. Her column today is one of those moments. It's called "Condi's Lesson". Here's a small excerpt about Rice's ignominious eviction from Rutgers' graduation ceremony:

For a militaristic imperialist, Rice caved awfully easily. She should have invaded Rutgers, occupied the podium and said her piece about her failures on peace. And the students shouldn’t have jumped the gun. After all, there was always a chance, a small one, admittedly, but a chance, that Condi Rice would have looked into her soul and told the story of what happens when you succumb to the temptation to sell it.

There's more at the link. You know you wanna read it. Fly, my pretties.

God has issues

I always loved that phrase. "She has issues". It's marvelously dismissive. And yes, God has issues.

This occurred to me as I was watching a baseball game last night. Actually what I was watching was major-league baseball's pious pinhead pitchers. I swear, almost every pitcher seems to doff his hat and pray on the god damn mound before hurling the ball. Seriously, you can't do that in private? You may not have noticed, but it's a baseball game, not church. Sigh.

Anyway, as I watched these weaselly antics, I found myself wondering about the way these guys always take their baseball caps off before talking to God. Obviously, god cannot see through hats. That's the message here. You are totally invisible to god if you keep your hat on. This is why they force women to wear a hat in church: so God won't see them. God only has time for men. Without hats.

Hats are kind of like god's kryptonite. See? I told you: god has issues.

Which leads me to today's recommendation: always wear a hat.

Visibly gay

Michael Sam's "historic" kiss brings something to mind. Of course, it's perfectly normal for him to kiss his boyfriend after getting the best news of his life. Guys kiss their life partners at such times, whether they're straight or gay. It's the very same act, no matter the sex of the kissers.

I live in upstate New York, where people are far from sophisticated. When I moved here about 20 years ago, I left gay people behind. There just aren't any gay people here. Oh, you'll see one every few years, but that's about it. (And there are old gay people who never struck out for the big city, never made their gay mark. But that's a whole 'nother post.)

I'm a recovering alcoholic and I attend AA meetings. When I moved here, I'd just had a relapse. So I found myself trying to get sober among a zillion straight people. After attending gay meetings in Manhattan for many years, this seemed really weird to me. But as it turned out, no one was against me for being gay. They all seemed very accepting.

This continued to be the case for many years, during which I remained sober (with the help of a great straight sponsor). And after I'd been sober for some time, lots of straight guys asked me to be their sponsor. I would say to each, when they made this request, "You know I'm gay, right? This is about your sobriety, so if you have even a slight problem with this, pick another sponsor. But if you're truly okay with it, sure, I'll be your sponsor." No one turned me down and the fact that I'm gay was never a problem.

However, in my quieter moments I used to tell close friends that I thought people accepted me because I don't have a boyfriend. It's one thing to say you're gay, and quite another to show that you're gay by hauling your boyfriend everywhere, maybe hugging him in public, holding hands, etc. That, I wasn't sure people would accept. But since I'm happily celibate, it never came up.

With Michael Sam, it's already come up. I'm sure many people who initially said they were "fine" with him being gay, had second thoughts when he kissed his lover on live TV. Being visibly gay is different from saying you're gay.

I'll be interested to see how this plays out in the coming months and years. Any comments from the peanut gallery?