Saturday, February 19, 2011

The poor, poor things!

I'm in the middle of an experiment -- and the poor creatures at the heart of this callous venture are suffering intensely, even as we speak. Yes, I'm talking about my fountain pens.

I'm trying to see how long they can sit unused and still remain in working order. It's pitiful. Oh, how they cry out to me in the night! "Use me!" they wail. "Oh, please!" they add -- and not in an arch manner, you understand.

But it's all for naught. I will continue to ignore their entreaties in the name of science. It is a noble thing I do, and I am so very noble for doing it.

But the cries! The agony! The screams! Oh, the humanity! Still, I can't give in. I won't, I tell you! I won't!