Sunday, March 4, 2012

Funny on so many levels

Red-hatted monster Timmy Dolan spoke at a catholic high school yesterday and said many funny things. The Times story begins with this:
Cardinal Timothy M. Dolan told Roman Catholics on Saturday that in an era when the church was fighting the government on several fronts, they needed to make their voices heard more clearly in the political sphere . . . We are called to be very active, very informed and very involved in politics.
Indeed. And that's exactly why we let your church skip out on paying taxes, Timmy: because you religiously stay out of politics and never make waves in the outer world. Keep up the good work!
The cardinal mocked a secular culture that “seems to discover new rights every day.”
“I don’t recall a right to marriage,” he said, describing marriage, instead, as a “call.”
“Now we hear there’s a right to sterilization, abortion and chemical contraceptives. I suppose there might be a doctor who would say to a man who’s suffering some type of sexual dysfunction, ‘You ought to visit a prostitute to help you.’ ”
Are you laughing yet? I liked this bit:
. . . [H]e emphasized the role of the laity. While priests and bishops “stick to principles,” he said, “we leave a lot of the messiness of politics up to you.”
Yes, and that's exactly why you're spewing this political nonsense from the pulpit of a church: because you "leave a lot of the messiness of politics" up to the faithful. The church has no access to a mirror, apparently. The story ends with a marvelous quote from Timmy the lad:
Obama officials have pointed to recent polls showing that most Catholics favor the new contraceptive rule, and in a recent blog post, the cardinal wrote that officials in the Obama administration had recommended that bishops “listen to the ‘enlightened’ voices of accommodation” within the church. At a news conference after Saturday’s speech, Cardinal Dolan said, “We kind of got our Irish up when leaders in government seemed to be assigning an authoritative voice to Catholic groups that are not the bishops.”
He added: “If you want an authoritative voice, go to the bishops. They’re the ones that speak for the truths of the faith.” 
You're a riot, Timmy. Now, go eat some more donuts. There's a good boy.