Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Jesus and Edna appeared to me last night

I couldn't believe it. Jesus and Edna Christ were standing in the middle of my living room. It was a miracle!

Edna did most of the talking. Here's the headline: Jesus never returned to Earth or answered our prayers because he wasn't the one with the magic powers. That's Edna's bailiwick.

But now she's back! The snafu that kept her from us all these years is one of those inexplicable god rules: Edna couldn't appear on Earth until someone knew she existed. This weekend, when that Christian lady announced the discovery of the papyrus that mentions Jesus' wife, the magic stay was lifted.

So now Edna is available to answer our prayers. From now on, as long as we pray to Edna, babies won't get fatal diseases; children won't be buried alive in earthquakes; and no one will suffer endless pain! Praise Edna!

She's ba-ack and she's ready to respond to your prayers. Hallelujah!

PS: Toward the end of the visitation, Edna took me into the bathroom so Jesus wouldn't hear her words. Once the door was closed (and locked), she leaned close and whispered in my ear. (Her breath smelled like cookies, BTW). She said unto me, "Your book, Xmas Carol, will be the most popular novel ever written. You've done a fine thing, my son." And then she said something so marvelous: "Your entry to heaven is guaranteed." Wow!