Sunday, November 25, 2012

Guess who invented the internet?

The other day, I forgot to give thanks for the internet. And don't give me credit for remembering it now. This oversight was revealed to me by god, herself.

Yes, Edna Christ -- Jesus' wife -- appeared to me last night. Oh, and you should have seen her! She let me snap her photo for the blog -- (you can see the photo on my main blog)  -- but she looks much more impressive in person. And she smells of cookies -- macaroons, I think. But I digress.

In her omniscient, slightly nagging way, Edna reminded me to be thankful for the internet. She said it is a sacrament. And then she told me the true story of how the internet came to be. Edna invented it! She came up with the idea during one of the long walks she always takes, to get away from Jesus. But let her tell you in her own words. I asked Siri to record everything she said during her visitation. Here is the relevant portion of what she said unto me:
"Keith, you sweet, sweet person, I want to tell you a story...(blah, blah, blah)...and so I came up with the idea for the internet. I whispered the details into Al Gore's ear -- and he took it from there. For years, he was intensely involved with setting up the nodes and protocols. That's why he was so skinny, back then. But you know, the moment he plugged in the final circuit that turned the internet on, he went back to the donuts. Oy. He's such a donut lover, that Al!"
Is that incredible or what? Oh, Edna, now that you've come back to us we are once again hopeful and filled with joy. All hail Edna! (And yes, she told me much, much more. But you can fit only so much Divine Revelation in one post. Stay tuned.)