Tuesday, March 15, 2011

City boy reports from wilds of America

ou know what's creepy about living in the country? Nighttime.

Unless there's a full moon, once night falls you can only go out in a car -- unless you just want to walk around your own property. That much you can do (but bring a stick).

The first of two huge problems is that there are no sidewalks. This seems insane to me. We're people; we walk. Therefore we need sidewalks. This is not optional. Alas, this bit of common sense hasn't reached my area.

It's bad enough walking around during the day, because the roads aren't level. Every single road either rises or falls because the area is built on hillsides. The problem for pedestrians is that when you're approaching the top of a hill, you have no idea what might be barreling at you from the other side. It's a bit iffy for the last few yards. Try this at night and you'll come back from your walk dead.

Not only are there no sidewalks, there are no lights -- not one streetlight anywhere. It's strange to walk off into a pitch black night. Even when you use a flashlight you can't see beyond the beam. And there are all sorts of animals roaming around in the dark. You don't mind the deer, which are absolutely everywhere, but there are also strange packs of animals, weird creatures, possibly from Venus. I've seen them. I know.

In the city, you can walk all night and see everything around you. That's something I miss living out here in the sticks. I like living here, don't get me wrong. I like it a lot. But there are drawbacks to this rustic existence.